Heartbeat

Sixteen

I involuntarily snort at the idea that I could be starting to like Jordan back. I couldn’t be. After all the avoidance this week and the insistence that we not be alone together, today had changed everything. I had let him touch me, hold my hand twice, and I had actually enjoyed being alone with him. I didn’t mind when Jess was with us, because she’s his little sister. But when Caitlin looked at me like I was inconsequential and when Abigail Somers was outright flirting with Jordan in front of me, I felt my blood boil. I didn’t want anyone to come between us.

“I’m not in love with him,” I say halfheartedly.  

“Who are you not in love with?” I hear a voice that is both familiar and foreign come from the kitchen doorway, and it takes me a moment to realize that it’s my mother talking. “Is there a boy I don’t know about?”

Zoe and I both blink several times while my mother watches us like we’re a newly discovered species.

I hardly ever saw my mom at home, and I struggle to remember the last time we spoke. Over the last couple of years she had distanced herself from me and my father, working night shifts so she didn’t have to see us or speak to us.

When something happens and it tears your whole family apart, you see how different you are. Mom went into her shell and put all her energy into her work, gaining notoriety for some of the surgeries she’d performed. I think working alongside my mother is what brought Jordan’s father to Newport.

Dad and I had always been close and a lot of people noted how similar we were in personality; in looks we were totally different. Dad and I had become closer in recent years and it was easy to see how much better I got along with him compared to the strained relationship I had with my mother.

“Mom,” my voice barely a whisper. “What are you doing here?”

She shrugs. “I got up early. My shift at the hospital doesn’t start for another hour. So, who are we not in love with?”

My jaw clenched as she said ‘we’. My family hadn’t been a ‘we’ for years now and in part that was her fault for shutting us out. There was an ‘us’ with me and my father I, and then there was a ‘her’, but there was never a ‘we’.

For once I was glad Zoe was quiet. She was stood behind me, her eyes trying to look anywhere but at my mother. Holly and Zoe were the only ones who knew how I really felt about my mother, and I think over the years they had started to see her the way I did.

It hadn’t always been like this, of course. Before everything, mom and I were close and she would always be taking me, Zoe and Holly out shopping or for spa days. When it stopped, it wasn’t just me that missed my mom, but it was Holly and Zoe too. In a bizarre way, they had lost her as much as I had.

“No-one, Mom,” I bit on my lip so that I don’t say more than I have to.

“Ok,” she nods and heads back into the kitchen. I can hear her pottering around in the kitchen before she comes back into the hallway. She picks up her keys, phone and purse and then heads towards us. “Enjoy tonight,” she smiles as she reaches around us for the door. “See you in the morning, honey.”

And with that she was gone.

I heard Zoe sigh heavily, and I mimic the relief as I let out the breath that I didn’t know I’d been holding.

“That was awkward,” Zoe whispered. “You ok, Emma?”

I nod defiantly. “Yeah. Let’s go get ready.”

The next three hours went by quicker than I thought especially when I noticed the light in Jordan’s room dim away and heard his car starting. Was it eight already? I looked at the clock on my bedside table and gasped when I realized it was past eight.

My make-up was done, and my hair was in the process of being curled into loose beach waves by Zoe who was in her element playing dress up with me. She has been begging me for years to let her give me a makeover, but I’ve always told her that I’m more than happy with the way I look.

But tonight was different. I don’t think I was consciously trying to make an effort for Jordan’s sake, but at the same time, I knew that tonight was important to him, and that having me there was as important. He’d practically told me he wasn’t going to go if I didn’t go too. I mean, who does that?

So, yeah, now my hair is being teased into a half-up, half-down style that is pinned into place by the crystal grips Zoe had brought with her. Her hair was easily styled into a messy pony tail, strands of her long blonde hair deliberately left down so that it looked like she hadn’t tried. Except I’d seen her do and re-do her hair ten times so I knew that a lot of effort had gone into the attempt to look effort-less.

Zoe was dressed before me and as she walked back into my room in her short lipstick red dress, black stilettos and crystal clutch bag I knew I was going to have a hard act to follow. I trudged to the bathroom with my garment bag in hand and slowly pulled at the zip, suddenly worried about what dress Zoe had chosen for me.

She knew that I wasn’t a big fan of color like she was and I could never get away with the red dress she wore, but I also knew that she encouraged me to be more adventurous with my wardrobe choices.

I was actually pleasantly surprised by the black beaded shift dress that hung on the hanger before me. It was intricate and certainly beautiful, but above all it was me. I pulled it on slowly, trying not to ruin my hair or make-up, and then zipped it up on the side, patting it down so that it sat right over my body.

It skimmed across me, emphasizing my slim frame and as I took in my reflection in the mirror behind the bathroom door, I found myself admiring how I looked. From the hair to the make-up to the dress and the black shoes that Zoe had given me, everything seemed perfect.

If I hadn’t already thought that, then Zoe’s low whistle as she saw me for the first time in the dress certainly proved it. She looked me over twice then grinned proudly at her masterpiece. Finally, after years of friendship, she had achieved her dream of dressing me up.

“Holy crap, Emma,” she pulled me into a hug, and then pulled away quickly as she readjusted my hair. “You look gorgeous. Come on, Sam and Holly are waiting outside for us.”

I grabbed my purse from the bed and slowly made my way downstairs, taking one step at a time as I wobbled unsteadily in the heels. I was unpracticed at anything above three inches, and this extra inch and a half was killing me.

When Holly saw me I noticed her jaw drop. She had to take everything in slowly as she watched me toddle to the car, Sam waiting by the back passenger side door as Zoe and I clutched to each other. His gaze skimmed over Zoe, but he was very deliberate when it came to me. He started at my feet looking slightly worried at the height of my heels, and then he took in the short hem of the dress before settling on my face and hair. He blushed innocently as he averted his eyes closing the door after us as Zoe and I slid into the back seat.

“Jordan is going to flip when he sees you,” Sam tells me as he drives us towards Adam’s house. “You look great, Emma. And so do you Zoe.”

Holly clears her throat then smiles happily as Sam leans over to kiss her and remind her of how pretty she looked too.

When we pulled up at Adam’s house I noticed that there were tens of girls walking around in skirts that were way too short and tops that left little to the imagination. I swear I saw one girl walk towards the house in a see-through top with no bra on underneath.

I followed Zoe into the house and my eyes were instantly scanning the room trying to find Jordan. All I had to do really was look for the biggest swarm of girls, and at the center I’d find him. Which is exactly how it was now.

Abigail Somers in a sky blue cut-out dress was hanging off his arm, cooing in his ear about something or nothing, demanding all his attention. And for a moment she had it. Then he saw me.

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