Loneliness eats you up from the inside. It makes you think there's something intrinsically wrong with you, something that makes people run away from you instead of coming to you. Loneliness kills you.
A strange side of it is how if afflicts you even when surrounded by people you love. You don't need to to be alone to be lonely.
As you sit alone, in the midst of thousands of people, and you feel the hole in your chest, dark whispers start to fill your mind. And you try to battle them, trying hard to think of the good and great in life, but all it does is make them louder until they dominate your thoughts. Then it just becomes easier to let them win, to wallow in your misery, to let them take you to the dark side where even breathing becomes hard.
You're just so tired of working hard to convince yourself of your worth and confidence, of fighting off lowly and dangerous thoughts. Worst of all is when you tell yourself that you don't need anyone and that you're good, you're capable of being happy and independent. And for a second, you believe it and it feels so good. But then your demons rise up and point to the gaping nothingness inside of you, threatening to consume you bit by bit. And that is so scary.
When you can't show all of you to anyone at all, when you have to be different parts of you depending on who's around, and when there's nobody that will ever understand you as you are, that's when it's just easier to not be. That is when a thought whispers: to live or to die? To be or not to be?
Then you run. That thought is scary so you run instead of facing it, instead of battling with it. You'd rather hide in alcohol and drugs, in temporary pleasures or hide behind your work, exhausting yourself until your brain is too tired to think. So you fuck like never before, you laugh like never before and you party like it's your last day on earth, hoping, praying that if your outside life is loud enough it might drown out the voices inside. Or you bust your ass off, becoming outstanding in everything you do, filling your life with trifling hoping it will fill you up. And from this point on it's a slippery slope to your doom because you may not have killed yourself but you've sentenced to death your soul who you choose to completely ignore because it's too hard to face.
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Midnight Thoughtz
Randomyou know when you're suddenly emotional and you dont know why? maybe it's the night air, the situation you're in, or something else but whatever it is it makes think about life, it makes you wonder about greater things. we all have these thoughts bu...
