The Prodigal

Chapter 23

"You told me you would wait forever!"

"And I will! I just want to know for my own curiosity what you would say if I proposed now?"

"I would say this is a pretty lame proposal!"

Eli and I are where we've now spent countless hours. On the couch, covered and entangled in blankets, at my apartment. With Eli at my apartment, we don't need to hide as much phone interaction and the GPS on my phone confirms to my Father that I am where I am supposed to be.

"I don't mean RIGHT now, I mean, like, this general time frame." Eli has been prodding me for the last fifteen minutes as I rattle off reasons why we should wait until I'm done school. Winter break of my sophomore year is approaching, and that means another painful absence from each other.

"I know it's hard to wait, but it would be even harder if we rush things" I insist.

"We could get through anything together. You really don't think your family would get over it? We wouldn't be "sinning" if we live together and are married. We could move into my house."

My phone starts to ring. It's Jonathon, saving the day as usual.

"Hey" I say as I mouth 'Jonathon' to Eli and retreat to the bedroom. I think Eli may have rolled his eyes at me, he won't be mad. Phone time with Jonathon is good for our low-key status with my Father.

"Hey there...do you have a minute?" Jonathon asks.

"Sure" I say, slightly confused. I've vented to Jonathon multiple times about my issues and indecisions, but he's rarely reciprocated. He is always calm and confident with all his choices and his situation

"I'm leaving" he says, simply yet ominously.

"Leaving what?" I ask, perplexed.

"School. David. The Church. Everything."

"What?" I can't believe I'm hearing this.

"He's never going to leave his wife, Naomi" Jonathon says bluntly. I think for a moment about every time I've wondered if this was the case. So many excuses, so many reasons why leaving his wife was delayed, yet the relationship with David always seemed to have some hidden hitch. I never dared to express my concern to Jonathon. It felt more offensive than helpful until right now, when everything is coming to a head.

"Why do you say that?" I try to stay neutral until I fully understand what's going on.

"How long has it been, Naomi?"

"Over two years."

"How passionate can you be? How much can you really want someone or something and then let it sit there for that long?"

Jonathon's words cut me. It's what Eli has to be feeling. And yet, I understand David. I, too, have a hanging, haunting obligation that won't let me go.

"Maybe he just isn't ready" I say, defending David vicariously.

"Naomi. Please" Jonathon says, calling me out.

"I know." I'm completely aware he's right. I also know Eli is right, too.

"So, I'm leaving. I'm going to NYC."

"As in New York City?" I'm in disbelief.

"A guy dropped out of class last year. That's where he went. And he's actually doing alright."

"So you had a backup boyfriend while you were with David?" For a participant in such a clandestine relationship, Jonathon typically maintained some traditional values about loyalty.

"Shut up, he was adorable but completely straight" Jonathon says, and laughs. I can hear how determined he is, he's confident enough to be relaxed in his decision.

"What does that mean for us?" I ask, ask if we are in a real relationship.

"Naomi...I'm sorry. I'm coming out, telling my parents I don't want to be part of the Church anymore. I'll make sure everyone thinks you had no idea. All you have to do is go along with the story. Pretend like that's what I called you about tonight." Suddenly my eyes are filled with tears. I'm losing a significant part of my life. This is worse than when Jael left.

"No it's...it's ok, you have to do what's best for you. Good for you. Get completely out."

"Please keep in touch with me. I care about you a lot, Naomi."

I laugh desperately. "This feels the way I think a real breakup would."

Jonathon sighs. "It hurts me, too. I want you to know that. This whole arrangement has been strange, but amazing in a way. I made such a great friend. I don't want to lose you completely."

"It'll be hard to explain staying in touch with you to my Father" I point out.

"Maybe you shouldn't be worrying about him too much longer" Jonathon says. For some reason everyone is bent on moving me along in breaking ties with my Father tonight.

"When I'm ready, I'll be ready" I reply quietly.

"I hope you're ready soon. I'm done wasting my time pretending."

*

I'm still in shock that Ruth hasn't changed her mind and thrown me out of the house when we leave it to get in her car and drive to see my grandfather.

"Did you sleep alright?" she asks.

"I barely slept at all. Do I look so bad that you can tell?"

"No, I just know I didn't sleep much, either" Ruth admits. I can only hope I didn't cause her lack of sleep. "Are you excited?" she asks.

"I'm excited to meet him, but I'm nervous, too. I almost wish I already knew what he has to say. Or, maybe I just wish I knew how whatever it is will make me feel."

I'm going to learn about my mother. What I don't know is whether what I'll learn will be uplifting or devastating. Is there some hidden detail that disproves she was the monster I've been told to view her as? Some explanation for her abandoning me?

"I hope we learn something important" Ruth says simply. While I don't know if we'll be happy or sad after we listen to this man, something tells me what he has to say will be very, very important.