Finding Inner Peace [GirlxGirl]

Counting

I nervously chewed the inside of my lip and leaned over the steel railing. I didn't know I was going to get called in today. I didn't even know that they would carry my sessions over to this year.

It was my first day back at school and I was already handed The Slip. The Slip meant I had to go to a counselor sometime that day- I was booked for third lesson and I was hardly enthusiastic.
These therapy sessions were a waste of time. I would just sit there trying to convince Ms Evergreen that nothing was wrong with me and that I'm happy, while she would try so hard in convincing me that I'm not
"You're a 'Burrier'" she'd say, her tightly stretched smile barely hiding the excitement she had for trying to diagnose my personality.

"That means you take in everything bad that happens to you and lock it away. You leave it and forget about it. You-"

I zoned out by then as she usually starts repeating herself in different words. That was last year, when I kicked a boy in his man parts for calling me weak. It was more generalized than a personal attack. He just shouted out of nowhere that all girls are weak and that's why men are successful. When I scoffed at his 2 year old mind-set, he shoved me to make his point. I kicked him to make a point too.

Ms Evergreen said my aggressive behaviour was a result of "a troubled mind finding any excuse to lash out instead of dealing with the real issues at hand." My principal then gave me a questioning look in response to what she said, to that I just nodded.
So that's how I landed up in counseling instead of suspension. I now wish I had gone for the other option.

I heard the door handle click downwards and turned around to face Ms Evergreen standing in the doorway. One of her victims stood behind her with tears streaming down her face and puffy eyes, the girl quickly scurried out the room and away from her.

"You can't face your demons alone, Susan!!" She sang after the girl.
As if just noticing me, Ms Evergreens eyes lit up as she opened the door further and ushered me inside with a wave of her hand.

I walked towards a chair facing her desk and let myself fall into it, my bag thrown on the ground with a few books strewing out. I slouched and folded my arms, waiting impatiently for this to be over with.
The pink-haired witch smiled sweetly at me as she quietly sat in her chair and leaned forward with her hand under her chin. She squinted at me over her wired glasses.

"So, Holland Clarkson.." She sighed, "anything new?"
"No."
"I highly doubt that nothing interesting has happened to you over the holidays." She pressed.

"Yeah, I'm pretty lame aren't I?"

"Lame..." She muttered, "so I'm sensing you have some self-esteem issues if that's how you refer to yourself?"

Wow. "No, I was being sarcastic."

"Are you not perhaps using sarcasm as a defence mechanism? Hiding a deep hurt?"

"No. I'm using sarcasm because this session is stupid and there's no reason for me to be here."

She leaned closer to me with a smile, "I see what it is...you think you're unworthy of help.."

I slowly started counting in my head. I can feel my hands shaking so I zoned her out to try calm down.
1...2...3...4...

"But I need you to know that I'm here to help you-"
5...6...7...8...

The bell rang.

I quickly pushed back my chair and sprinted out, ignoring Ms Evergreen's call for me to come back. I slammed the door and ran to another corridor. I rested my forehead onto the brickwall, ignoring the jagged surface that pressed roughly into my skin, and took deep breaths.
I didn't like being in that room, I didn't like being with that woman. The atmosphere pf that room alone gave me a sick, frail feeling. As if i have no hope.
Everything I said to her, she'd turn it into something serious.  She was just too much, she was hardly helping anyone.

I haven't cried at all with her, not like all the other students. If I cried with her then it would mean that she got to me and I couldn't give her that satisfaction. I lifted my head to quickly scan the corridor, assuring that no was coming my way.
...9...10

I felt a burning sensation in my nose, it took a minute for me to realise that I was on the verge of tearing up. Oh Hell, no. I roughly wiped my eyes with my sleeve and stomped towards the bathroom.

I was about to open the door when it bashed into me and I fell butt-first on the ground.

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