🌺 Billie Eilish X Reader 🌺 (GxG One-Shots)

🌺Listen Before I Go - TW🌺

T/W: THIS CHAPTER DEALS WITH DEPRESSION, DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS, THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE

I've never felt so broken before. Everything just looks so gray and white noise is all that I've heard the past month, I feel like I'm going insane. Billie's on tour so she doesn't know, and it's not because of her, but I just feel so empty.

But this isn't new. I mean, when has depression been 'new'? Everyone nowadays has it apparently, not that it's my business or I care, but it's true.

I'm spending most of my days an nights post-mating and watching Netflix in bed, alone, and constantly tired. I've tried writing but nothing comes up, and I ran out of 'interesting' shows and movies to watch.

When Bil FaceTimes we talk for like five minutes until something comes up on her end, and, to be honest, I don't really care. I know I still love her, but she has bigger and better things to focus on than some loner, wannabe singer girlfriend that's hundreds and sometimes thousands of miles away, who am I to complain?

I just wish the emptiness would go away... I want to feel something.
I need to feel something.

Some days it's like I can't breathe, and it's to the point I'm scared to look into the mirror and find out I've turned blue. I'm glad Billie's not here to see this, that she doesn't know. She's only seen me in my more 'minor episodes', cause like I said, this isn't new, but at the same time it's not normal for me.

It's like I have these voices, my voice, that keep telling me in my sleep that Billie's done with me, she's found someone else, my sister's better off now that she doesn't have to deal with me, that my family just forgot about me, that the 'fans' forgot about me- I mean, why wouldn't they? I never release stuff anymore.

It asks me why I'm here some nights, and that really gets me. I cry myself to sleep now, too.

I wish it would all just stop. I have no reason to feel like this anyways, what's wrong with me?!

A light shines on the nightstand next to me in the dark; a FaceTime from Billie. I pick up and plaster an award winning smile.

"Hey Bil."

"Baby, guess what!"

I hum in response and she continues.

"Tyler The Creator is coming on the second leg of tour! I just found out right now, I'm fangirl-ing really hard," I smile more, I know how much she idolises him. "Can you believe it?" I just hum a simple 'no', I feel too emotionally tired to talk.

"Baby what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

But it just comes out as a whisper, I'm surprised she heard me.

"Liar. How do you really feel?"

But on my end is radio silence.

"Y/N... what's going on?" I sigh

"I'm just... tired... you know?" Another grin stretches my lips, but it doesn't quite reach my eyes.

"Tired?"

"Tired..." And then I know by that look on her face she knows what I mean. "Oh... tired." I nod.

"Are you going to bed right now?" "Mhm" "Okay, lay down,"

I listen and get comfortable​ in my bed, my eyelids involuntarily lower.

And she starts to sing me to sleep...

Take me
To the rooftop, I wanna see
The world when I stop
Breathing​
Turning blue

Tell me love is endless
Don't be so pretentious
Leave me like you do

If you need me
Wanna see me
Better hurry
Cause I'm leaving soon...