Feelings

It brakes me

    Today I saw you alone at school the whole day!
    I was with Carson playing around and I seemed happy but the truth is that it was braking me. All I wanted to do was go to you and bring you to be with us but I know you are way too proud and the worst part is I know that you hate me too much and I am sure you would never even look at me, imagine spending the day with me...
    How I wish I could turn back time, it would all be so different. I would have you by my side so I could take care of you even though I am well aware that you are a very strong and independent woman. But I also know that under all that bravery hides a sweet and scared little girl. You really never showed her to me but you didnt need to cause I got some glimpses of her with all those late night deep talks in which you almost said nothing cause you are afraid of opening up with whoever it is but, again, you really didnt need to say much. I knew exactly what were your fears... and I knew exactly what you needed to hear.
    I made you get to your braking point once or twice. I know cause you always changed the subject out of the sudden. But I didnt mind, I never did. I asked you some deep shit and I never needed your fucking answers! And not just because I already knew them but also because all I wanted by asking you all that stuff was for you to think and I also know you did.
    I know you better than you think. But I guess what people say is true... there is indeed a thin line between love and hatred and I am really sorry that I made you cross that line. How I wish I could just tell you or show you in some way that I still love you Maya!
If only you knew how much I wanted to go talk to you today...
But now you are gone and there is nothing I can do about it.
                        
                                                                                  --- Andrew