I want to be happy as any other girl in this place, but how do I do that? After all I've been through? How can one be happy after this feeling growing inside of me.
I am walking through mist every day, trying to find energy to even get out of bed. Every morning I wake up with this thing inside of me, a monster scratching me on the inside, like it's going to break free any moment now.
I feel alone. I have people around me, so how can I feel so utterly alone? I know I have people around me that loves me, but I can't feel it as I once used to.
I am exposed, I'm forcing myself to hide. Hide in my skin, hid behind my hair, hide from my feelings. Like a robot with no consciousness. Hiding my arms, I won't let them see. Make them wonder where the scratches on my face came from. I want people as close to me as I can, but at the same time I'm scared that they will leave me. I leave them first, then I might feel better.
No
Why are you so sad all the time? Some ask me. I don't know why. It's a feeling inside of me. Mixed with bad memories and self-hatred. I let the darkness control my life, I lost the power and the will to control myself. I gave the power to the monster inside of me. The monster that never think things through before acting. A monster that destroys everything in its way.
I'm trying to push those feelings and those evil thoughts away, but they are far too many.
Why aren't you dead? That's a question I keep repeating in my head. I stand in front of the mirror, watching myself, seeing all my flaws, hating what I see. Beside me are a bottle of pills. I have a handful in my palm. I look at myself, not caring about my life, hating myself. I swallow them all.
I didn't die.
CZYTASZ
Poetry and other things
PoezjaI had a few stories since before but I was so young at the time I wrote them that the grammar is horrible. Not a little bit horrible. A lot. I guess that's what happens when you grow up with english as your second language. Anyway, this will be fill...
