Only You (Matty Healy/George Daniel)

32: Never Before

He's just - angry maybe? That doesn't feel like the right word, but George doesn't know how else to describe it. Everything is just wrong, and George is out of place with the role that he once slipped so easily into.

Matty is at the root of it, of course he is. It's not his fault, but he's the one that's off, which is throwing George into an unstable state as well. He seems to be suffering almost, and George has no idea how to help him. His inability to fix whatever is bothering Matty is tearing him apart from the inside out.

Is this what being in love is? If so, George hates it. He doesn't want to love Matty, not if it only brings both of them pain. He understands that this is a lot for Matty, that he has to deal with his head and his heart before he can sort out his feelings, not to mention that George hasn't even implicitly told him he loves him in so many words but fuck - George didn't think it would be so hard on him.

He wants things to go back to the way they were, to the days when Matty would hang about his flat for days on end and it never felt awkward, when he could comfort him without being spurned half of the time, to when he knew without a doubt that Matty loved him, even if it was only platonically, but most of all, he just wants Matty to be happy.

He aches to see him smile, he's dying to spend one night without worry for his best friend gnawing at his brain and stealing his sleep. He's tried everything though, and all he's done is driven Matty even further away, so there is nothing else he can do besides hope that the bond between them isn't irrevocably ruined.

But yet, at the same time, George wishes to fuck Matty senseless again, to bury himself so deep inside of him that they can never be truly separated, to be able to claim the other man as his and call himself taken as well. That is a pipe dream though - a fantasy, something that Matty seems to have no desire in partaking in judging by his current actions.

So George drinks to pretend he no longer cares, smoking doesn't numb the pain, not at all, so he's resorted to alcohol although he's not a fan of the taste of the Corona flowing across his tongue. Yet he needs something - anything, to help him forget Matty, to fill the space in his heart that is bleeding out when he leaves him yet again for a girl that can give him the things George can't.

Fucking hell - George is so in love with Matty. He isn't sure if they can go back to the way things were before, if he can ever just be Matty's best friend again, but he'll try if he has to, if only to win back some of Matty's fickle love.

As if focusing on him as summoned the man himself, the hotel door swings open just then. George stiffens his muscles which instinctively want to turn to see Matty, but George isn't going to torture himself that way. He knows what will meet his gaze, it'll be swollen lips and lazy eyes which scream to the world that Matty has just gotten off.

His eyes land on the clock instead, and he notices that it's barely been two hours since Matty had left. That's odd for him, when he goes off to hook up with a fan, he's usually gone most of the night.

"You're back early," George remarks before he can stop himself.

"And?" Matty shrugs like it doesn't matter one way or the other, which George catches out of the corner of his eye, and perhaps it doesn't. "Did you miss me George?" he sneers, his lips pulling back over his teeth in a manner that should be unattractive but it just makes George want to shove his tongue past them even more than he already does.

George doesn't miss this slur to his words though, meaning that Matty is drunk, which for some reason infuriates him. He's not got a leg to stand on, he's well on his way to being pissed as well, but still...can't Matty pretend like he cares enough about George to return to him with some clarity of mind?