reasons ✰ ethan dolan

✰two✰

i walk into school on Monday, hoping to avoid emma and olivia. Karadyn took my side during me and Emma's argument, which i'm grateful for.

"hey bitch!" i hear karadyn say, engulfing me in a hug. "hey kara-fine, how's emma?" i ask, sipping my water.

she laughs and scoffs, "shes being emma. she's pissed"

i laugh as well and shrug, "i literally did nothing"

karadyn sighs, putting her hand on my shoulder, "i know, she's just being a bitch. give it a few days and i bet it'll get better"

"i hope" i said, rolling my eyes as she left to go to class

i grabbed my chem book and notebook, heading into Mrs.Johnson's room.

after what seemed like forever, she started talking.

"alright everyone. we talked about doing this project last week, so everyone should know what they're doing. i've paired you all up, and you'll need to work on this outside of class.

my eyes widen, i instantly feel a churning in my stomach because

grayson's in this class

i wait for her to read off names, praying i don't get stuck with grayson.

"grayson and james"

i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding, taking a sip of my water.

"ethan and nala"

i choked on my water, causing everyone to look at us, including Mrs.Johnson.

"miss Crockett, do we have a problem?" she asked

i could feel my cheeks heating up as i shook my head, "n-no, no problem"

she raised an eyebrow, "very well then"

i walk over to ethan after class "ethan, can we do this at my house?" i beg

he thinks for a minute, "Nal, you'll be fine at our house. Grayson probably won't be home anways"

i sighed, tears filling my eyes, "please, eth"

his eyes soften and he brings me in for a friendly hug, "of course we can"

i sigh in relief, releasing from his grip

i open my mouth to speak but saw Grayson walking towards us.

my eyes widened and i panicked, "bye eth, see you tonight" i rushed as i sped walked away

-

i got home from school, collapsing onto my bed, eyes filled with tears.

i look up at my wall and see i still had all the pictures of gray and i up.

there's one where his arm is slung over my shoulder, while he's giving a fake cheesy smile and i have my tongue out.

and there's many more. i sluggishly grab the notebook that i haven't touched since Friday, opening it.

#8. the fact that i wish you were here holding me right now

i run a hand through my hair, hearing the door bell ring right after.

i go down and open it, seeing ethan just as i expected.

"hey, eth. come on in" he smiled in response, heading up to my room, already knowing where it's at.

"okay so, this is due at the end of the month, so i say we try to get half done tonight and we can do the second half next week, at my place?"

he offers. i raise my eyebrows at him

"you can't avoid him forever, Nal. plus, i'll make sure the night you come over, he isn't home. deal?"

i roll my eyes at him playfully, "deal".

after 4 long, antagonizing hours, we got it probably 1/4 of the way done, not nearly as much as we wanted to, but it was harder than expected.

"okay, so come over next week on Tuesday. Gray is usually gone on Tuesdays" he says before giving me a goodbye hug.

"sounds good, but you have to provide snacks!" i smile sheepishly like a little girl

"of course, Nal. night"

"night" i say, locking the door after he closes it.

i lean my back against the door, sliding down, with my face in my hands.

i pull out my phone and see multiple text messages

karadineee: hey, are you doing anything this weekend?

dad: i'm working late, love you

eth: next tuesday. 4pm. don't forget

i quickly respond to all of the texts, then going into the phone app. i click his contact and my eyes water reading it.

i never changed it

gray💜💜💜

my finger hovered over the "call" button. and after sitting like that for minutes, i locked my phone and put it in my pocket.

i trudge upstairs, taking a hot shower, and crying.

i get out and wrap myself in a towel and put my hair up in one too

im confused where all these feelings for gray came from

why do i miss him?

i search through my closet until i find the large t-shirt in the back.

it was gray with blue letters that said "West Morris Football" and on the back it said "Dolan" and "47".

i still remember when he gave it to me

"hey gray?" i asked, he hummed in response as i laid on his chest. "do you have shirt with your last name on it? not trying to be weird i've just always wanted one and-" he cut me off by placing a gentle kiss on my lips

"of course, baby. i have plenty, come pick.

i excitedly ran to his closet and looked through them, lacrosse, wrestling, and football.

i settled on a gray and blue football t-shirt, putting it on immediately.

"you look sexy in my clothes" he whispered, kissing my neck.

"grayyy, stoppp!" i giggled pushing his face away from my neck.

he pecked my lips, smiling after. "i love you, baby"

i smiled, "i love you too, gray"

i slipped it over my head, and it still smelled like him.

i sat at my desk, finishing geometry and life skills homework. pulling out my notebook afterwards.

i look at the framed photo of gray and i on my desk before writing

#7. the fact that i miss you