placebo

THERAPY SESSION

❝ 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆
𝒊 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒚 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒎𝒔'𝒍𝒍 𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒖𝒑 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚
𝒊 𝒅𝒐 𝒎𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒎 ❞

—nf

The waiting room was quiet as usual. Or at least it was mostly quiet every time Daisy was there; it was filled with the occasional chatter from the receptionist and other patients that were setting up appointments or talking to others in the building. She fidgeted with the bracelet on her wrist, playing with the beads and grimacing when she felt how sweaty her hands were.

With nothing to do, Daisy let her thoughts occupy her, like usual. Was this helping? Am I doing the right thing? Did I remember to hand in my physics homework or am I going to have to email my teacher with a shitty excuse? Did mom make dinner yet? Her fidgeting increased and she tried to take small, deep breaths in the hopes of calming herself down. Having a panic attack for virtually no reason, in a therapist's waiting room, was probably not a good idea. 

To Daisy's luck, Dr. Lin peeked her head out of the door with a soft smile and beckoned her in, telling the receptionist that she was taking her next patient. Daisy begrudgingly got out of her seat, feeling as if everyone else in the waiting room was staring at her (even though they were not). 

"Close the door after you, please?" Dr. Lin asked and Daisy complied, shuttling the door with more force than necessary. Daisy slowly inched towards the green chair in front of her and gingerly took a seat, playing with her hands in her lap and refusing to meet her therapist's eyes.

"So, Daisy, I take it you drove today?" Daisy nodded in response.

"And that went well, I'm assuming, considering you're here in one piece. How was school? Okay?" Nod.

"Your grades are okay?" Nod.

"Has the bad-mouthing from other classmates stopped?" Another nod.

"Has the self-loathing stopped?" Daisy looked up hesitantly, and shook her head. Dr. Lin sighed expectantly.

"Daisy, if you're not going to even try to get better, then how am I supposed to help you?" I am trying! Daisy wanted to yell in protest, but couldn't look into the woman's eyes.

"Has the diary been helping?" Daisy nodded vigorously, and produced a black notebook from her book bag.

"I've been writing every day, just like you said. It's been helping me a little, I've gotten confident enough to stand up to some of my classmates," Daisy whispered softly, and Dr. Lin smiled.

"I'm glad it's helping a little," she said, glancing at the clock, "and unfortunately, we're out of time. Will you be coming back next week?" Dr. Lin asked, except it seemed less like a question and more like a demand. Daisy weakly nodded her head again and picked herself up off the chair, leaving without looking back. Without another word, she started her car and left for home, her mind buzzing with millions of thoughts.

All of a sudden now, though, she was feeling dread. At every traffic light, and with every turn she took, she just felt less and less like she wanted to go to her house. But she couldn't avoid it anyway.