lost | the hunger games

• iv •

"Pallas?"

The sound of Annie's voice snapped me right back to reality. And for once in my life, I was grateful to be back on this train--anything would've beaten being back on that porch.

"Pallas, come sit between Annie and me," Finnick suggested lightly. But there was some slight concern in his eyes.

"Me?" I walked towards the playfully. "Separate Fannie? Don't mind if I do!" I scooted myself right between the couple dramatically, sensing the oncoming sighs and laughs. "Anything to decrease the amount of lovey-gushy romantic things while I'm in the room."

"Drama queen," Annie joked. Wow. She must've been getting some good sleep if she was able a crack a joke. Usually, the nightmares keep the memories right there at the front of your head, right below your skin and ready to pop like a blister.

Unlike Annie, I had barely gotten any sleep. I kept waking up just from the tiniest things or maybe just paranoia. I had resigned to keeping a small knife right beside me while I slept, and even then . . .

"How long until the Capitol?" I asked out of the blue.

"Half an hour," Finnick responded. "Turns out, we're the last district arriving so we'll be going up to our room and then straight to the grooming parlors to get ready for the parade."

"I thought we'd have more time," I sighed. "Guess not."

Finnick reached over my arms to comfort both me and Annie and I reached over Finnick to hold Mags hand. It felt so nice, just sitting there in comfortable silence. We stayed like that for a long time, not talking.

I savored this moment. One of the last moments of peace I might have had with my family. The moment I got into that training center, nothing would be the same.

I just hoped it was for better instead of worse.

• • •

"We're here!"

Cynara's high pitched voice woke me from my trance. This must've been her "dress-to-impress" Capitol outfit. It was quite . . . eye-catching. Everything and I mean everything, was bronze. Her hair, her blouses, her puffy coat, her skirt, her socks underneath her twelve-inch heels. Even her eyeliner, eyelashes, and lipstick were covered in bronze. It was like she was trying to impersonate the bronze statue of the Little Dancer--Capitol Style.

"Way to ruin the mood," I muttered under my breath.

Finnick snickered and Annie nudged me.

"Did you say something, Pallas?" Cynara asked..

"No," I replied innocently.

"Alright then, I see everyone is ready. We best hurry along now, all of Panem is waiting for you!" She sashayed out the door with her useless fan swinging from her wrist.

Finnick was the first to get up, reaching out for Mags' hand. Gladly, she took it. They were the first out the car, then Annie, and then me. I was happy to get off this train. But as I crossed from car to car, I realized this would probably be the last time I'd be here.

Suddenly, the loud roar of the Capitol citizens overwhelmed my ears. Jesus, they were loud.

The others had already shown their faces and exited the train.

"Here we go," I muttered to myself.

I walked to the entrance of the door, finally showing my face with the best "shy" smile I had. I waved to whoever I could, blowing kisses to the Capitol camera occasionally. There were roars and roars from the citizens dressed in the casual Capitol attire. Long neon eyelashes and poofy sleeves everywhere.

"Pallas! Hi!"

"I love you, Pallas!"

"PALLAS!"

"Will you go to the Gala with me, Pallas?"

My eyes darted in the direction of the last yell. There, at the very front of the crowd, was a boy about sixteen reaching over the metal gates with roses and poster.

I gestured to my family to stop as I walked over to the boy. I held a smile as the cameras followed me. The boy was fairly good-looking. He had curly brown hair and a single dimple on his left cheek. I smiled pitifully.

"What's your name?"

"Ryal," the boy said, shocked I actually noticed him.

"Well, Ryal, I would love to the Gala with you."

His eyes lit up and for a second I almost felt bad for him. "Really?"

"Really. But," the crowds cheering quieted and his hope diminished. "I'm afraid I might not be alive enough to make it to your Gala."

"Oh, right."

I took a rose from his hand; it smelled fake. I smiled without any kindness. "I wish I could go with you, but I'll probably be dead."

Hilariously, the boy flinched at the word "dead." I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around him, and kissed his cheek. But right before I let go, I whispered in his ear.

"I'm about to kill friends I've known for years in the arena for your entertainment. Cheer me on, won't you?" I leaned away, starting to catch up to my family. "All for the glory, wouldn't you do it?"

The boy paled, unable to speak. I placed the flower in my hair, and blew a kiss goodbye to him. 

It'd be no surprise if Caesar and the rest of the Capitol take the footage and twist it a much different way considering my secretive smile. But I was only fifteen. How disgusting could the Capitol get? Oh wait . . .

Annie had her hand waiting out for me to take. And as I did I could see the questioning look in her eyes behind the sweet Capitol smile.

Later. Promise.

Alright.

Finnick, Mags, Annie and I didn't approach or speak directly to anyone else in the crowd after that. Just smiling and waving until we reached the car that would take us to our building.

Privacy, finally, Mags signed.

Finnick laughed darkly. "There's no such thing here, Mags."

I second that, I thought, yanking the flower out of my hair. 

But mostly my mind was elsewhere. After being asked to the Gala, it just reminded me of everything I couldn't have. I couldn't go to my first dance. I'm probably never to the Gala. I don't even think I'll ever find love.

I mean, look at the two "lovebirds" from twelve, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. Thought I believe their love story is fake and everything, I can tell, there is something between the two of them among all of this. I don't really have anyone like that. I mean, I did . . . but the Games changed everything for me. I don't have time for anything anymore. Only for my family. That's all that matters.

"What are you thinking about, Pallas."

My eyes drifted from the window to Annie's face. I gave her a genuine smile.

"Nothing that matters. Absolutely nothing." 

• • •

it's 1 am but who tf cares because it's summer !! this chapter and last chapter were kind of crap, but pretty new to this, so please cut me some slack lol. also lmk your thoughts and constructive criticism please !