lost | the hunger games

• iii •

My mentor looked at me with pride, and I knew that she knew. Her wrinkled hand patted my hair and caressed my cheek, as a way of saying goodnight, I love you, and be safe all at once. I stayed there for a moment, standing in front of her door, before going to mine. 

• • • 

Mag's room was right in front of mine, just like back home in Victor's Village.

Oh, I wished so much to be back home in District Four. I wanted nothing more than to be sitting on the shore and feeling sand and water between my toes and the dying sun glowing on my face. Ew. When did I become such a poet? But at least now I understand them. There was a certain serenity laced in those moments on the beach. Now all I felt was anxiety and panic.

The first thing I did inside my luxurious room was getting ready for bed. I would've showered, but I wasn't ready to trade the District Four saltwater scent for the fake stuff just yet.

I changed out of my Reaping outfit into the silk matching button down and shorts-for-pajamas that were left in the drawers for me. My hair was left shiny and smooth and straight. It's true, no matter how luxurious your District is, the Capitol showers will always make you feel cleaner than ever.

I walked over to the foot of my bed. My entire body had a peaceful second of relaxation before it tensed up all over again. One moment it was like I was lying on a marshmallow and the next moment I felt like I was going to drown. No matter how big it was, it was still a prison brought to me by President Snow and the Capitol. I was suffocating.

Finnick was waiting for me in the lounge car. He knew about my claustrophobia being linked to my PTSD. He predicted I would be awake and wanting to get out of my room.

Without any greeting, I sat down next to him and shared the blanket that covered his bottom half. I snuggled far into the couch and pulled the blanket up enough that it reached my chin. I inhaled the scent of salt water and felt the tension in my shoulders release.

During the Victory Tour after finding out about my weird PTSD claustrophobia thing, he requested to keep a few District Four furnishings (is that a word ?) to help ease my stress. Honestly, it helped a lot more than I thought it would.

"Let's check out the tributes, shall we?" Finnick said. He wanted me to identify who was in the alliance and who wasn't.

He played the Reapings of the Quarter Quell on the screen. So many of them I had met, talked with and laughed with.

Gloss and Cashmere. Out.

Brutus and Enobaria. Out.

Beetee and Wiress. In.

I watched Caesar narrate and discuss our Reaping. They completely focused on Annie's sobbing and my cautious but still confident self volunteering for her. I was proud of myself for how strong I looked. You couldn't see the fear in my eyes or the tremor in my hands. I looked like a mix between my shy thirteen-year-old self and a prideful Victor from a career district.

"We truly look like the most mismatched siblings on the planet," said Finnick, as he paused the screen right as we both blew kisses to the audience.

I snorted. "Just press play, Finnick."

"Okay, I see how it is."

I rolled my eyes and continued pointing out the members of the alliance.

District Five was out. I had no idea who they were, in fact. I never saw them at the Capitol Parties, just like the Morphlings. But the Morphlings were apart of the alliance.

Johanna and Blight. In.

Woof and Cecelia. In.

Districts Nine and Ten were out. And Chaff and Seeder from Eleven were in too. And the main event, District Twelve. Home of the unfortunate Mockingbird and Rebel Spark. Katniss Everdeen. I admired her strength until Peeta Mellark, her "fiance," volunteered in place of their mentor, Haymitch.

I knew the love story was a fake but it was obvious that Katniss cared deeply for Peeta enough to show the horrified reaction in front of the cameras when he volunteered.

"Peeta Mellark is going to be a challenge in the arena," I said. "Katniss isn't going to cooperate unless she's there to protect Baker Boy. That just adds to our list of responsibilities in the arena."

"You're right," Finnick agreed. "But it'll be fine. We can do this. And if not . . . we both know what we signed up for."

When I didn't respond to his reality-check he tried to lighten the mood with a nudge. "You know you're not too much younger than the rebel lovebirds, you know."

"Shut up," I played along. "I don't think I'll ever be in a relationship. Not in this lifetime at least. Not with everything changing."

That did shut Finnick up. Not because I was being totally pessimistic, but because I was being completely realistic. I wasn't naïve anymore. I couldn't just be oblivious to the world around me and have silly crushes while Snow is killing children and starving families in outer lying districts.

"Way to kill the mood, Pallas," Finnick said seriously. He stood up and poured the rest of the blanket on me. "We should get some sleep. Big day tomorrow."

I nodded and snuggled into the saltwater scented blanket. I could feel a shadow of a smile grace my face as Finnick walked away and I closed my eyes.

"Goodnight, Finnick."

"Goodnight, Pallas."

• • •

don't have anything to say :) hope everyone's day is going well!