Figured I should put down a few thoughts on this, as its been much on my mind lately.
For many men, I suspect the idea of a relationship where their partner denies their orgasm probably rates up there with prostate cancer or the Red Sox winning the World Series, and it certainly isn't an easy thing to explain. But I'm going to have a go.
In my early twenties, sex was largely orgasm driven. I could come six times in a night and still be hard and ready for more. I always loved going down on my girlfriends, giving them massages, taking my time, and I found it easy to be open with women, but I still chased those orgasms and had many.
Over the years, I slowed down a bit. Six became five, became four, became three. In my forties, that party may not be quite over, but I can see the last guests eying their coats and glancing at their watches. We slow down a bit, and that's no bad thing as it gives us time to check out the scenery. From my own perspective, intimacy became more important than orgasm, though I still need both.
One of the more difficult aspects of sustaining a relationship over time is desire. Familiarity can breed contempt, and the day to day stuff gets heavy. Work intrudes, arguments over finances, family, friends divorces, the kids failed their exams/smoked a joint/set fire to the supply teacher, and the youngest has apparently just produced half his own body weight in snot.
As time passes you can find yourself increasingly trapped by the familiar, and desire wanes. Your formerly affectionate significant other no longer tries to look sexy, is still pissed at you for whatever nefarious thing you did last year at her sister's wedding and would sooner beat you over the head with the strapon dildo you ordered, than fuck you with it (depending of course on size, if it is really big she probably does want to fuck you with it, and not in a fun way). Oh, and you've both gained thirty pounds.
Desire is not easy to maintain.
Fortunately for the Human Race, it can be done but does require a certain amount of effort. Teasing reinforces desire. It elevates the teaser back into the realm of the unobtainable (where she was when you first saw her and achieved wood). It becomes a game for you both. You get to have slightly less frequent, but vastly more satisfying sex with a Goddess and she gets frequent and satisfying revenge for your nefarious acts at her sister's wedding. Everyone is happy.
I may be imagining this, but it seems to me that Women like to be wanted. They want to feel attractive and seductive and they want us to want them. From my own experience, if my girlfriend has been teasing me for a few days, all it takes is a glance, with just the merest hint of "I may be about to jump your bones" to completely spin me out and have me bouncing off furniture like some kind of demented pinball with a painfully hard erection.
It introduces passion into the most casual and unexpected moments. We are at a friend's house listening to Doug and Melinda drone on about appropriate food groups and Doug's volunteer stint with the Massai fucking Mara, when she leans over and whispers that the cold air in the room has made her nipples really hard. When the beer clears from my airway and I see her smiling wickedly at me....I think its safe to say I really want her. I want her hard nipples in my mouth as a matter of urgency. Yes, I've seen her without her makeup. I've seen her vomit in the toilet, with chunks in her hair. I don't care. I want those hard nipples and I fully intend to have them just as soon as my erection goes down and I can stand up again without shocking the shit out of Doug and Melinda.
From her perspective, she gets to torture me in a way that makes me want her more. She controls when and if we have sex, and even if she doesn't feel like it she can still drive me crazy with desire. "Oh dear, will you look at that. My boob just fell out of my shirt". "Honey, come here a moment and tell me how my ass looks in this tight skirt". She squeezes past me in the kitchen, and gently brushes my crotch with her hand. Oh and there's that wicked grin, as I go bouncing into the furniture again.
There's a catharsis involved too. Say she's been teasing me all week, and I'm at the point where I'd walk on hot coals, or even give up drinking whiskey for a chance to unload and I accidentally say something nice, perhaps deserving a reward. So she goes down on me, or allows me to jerk off for her entertainment (She's not laughing. Really. She's just smiling and coughing at the same time) and just for a change actually allows me to come. Well, let me put it like this: I'm a big strong man, but I will curl up in her arms like a baby and there's a strong chance I'll tell her I love her.
And it will be true.
