The Lights

Part 1: The Lights

Everyone has a story, or so they say. Most people just live their lives and don't fulfill anything with them. Not me though. I have plans and dreams and, to my knowledge, I'm not dying. I could live my life, they just won't let me. I actually have a story, not something I want to have but I do and I can't get rid of it. This is my story...
***
I look out the glass pane long enough to make out every single tiny light, and by lights, I mean wimdows, and by windows I mean the city skyline...it's beautiful.

"Come on, hun. It's getting late, you need to rest." I look up to see Julie Lou, my nurse, standing next to me. Shes been my nurse since I was born...literally, I was caesarean, she helped.

"Is it 1 in the morning already?" Her shift starts at 1. She nods. And motions for me to go. I nod and start walking towards my room, waving "hello" to everyone who just hopped on tonight's uneventful shift.

When I get to my room, I close the door, it's as organized as a hospital room can be. It's been my home for a while so I have my drawings on the bulletin board on the far wall, my bed is made, my curtains are drawn, my desk has paper on one side, materials on the other; I'm an organized person, if its messy it doesn't feel like my room - it doesn't feel like home.

My night stand light is always on...I find the dim glow of it and the hospital cold comforting. I get in bed, turn the light off and go to sleep. Except I don't really go to sleep because tears lightly slip out and a thought comes to my mind: "I wish I had a friend. I wish i could be normal. I wish I could run around and feel the grass on my shoeless toes. I wish I could live."

***

I wake up to the sun on my eyes...these damn slip curtains...this damn room. I change into a t-shirt, sweatpants, and my jacket which is huge on me. I walk out to go and get my breakfast when I realize a calm room doesn't mean a calm morning.

It's chaos. Julie is running towards the door, nurses follow her, and amid it all, Dr. Robert Limbad, my surgeon, runs with them. So I now know something is terribly wrong with a person who is terribly hurt, or worse. I learned not to ask, so as quickly as I can I walk to the cafeteria. I don't want to bump with anyone running towards something important, so I keep to the walls, like a chameleon camouflaged right on sight.

As quick as the chaos happened in the hall, it disappears inside the cafeteria. I walk towards the line and when I get to the front, Mr. I Have No Idea What His Name Is  says "so you want coffee with extra cream, eggs, bacon and toast on the side with extra butter...pleeeeaaaseee". I laugh and nod. He knows me too well. He knows my order too well.

As I sit down to eat, Julie Lou comes in, she gets her food and comes on over to me, like every morning. She hands me my protein-vitaminy shake thing. I have no idea what's in it but it's supposed to help my heart grow its missing chamber. I have a single ventricle heart. This basically means that one of my heart chambers isn't strong enough to pump blood.  Other than that, I have no idea what I'm drinking but it tastes like cookies and cream so I don't fight it.

"Julie what happened today? What was so bad Dr. Robert had to come out?", I ask out of curiosity, phrasing it with a worried look.

"A girl had an asthma attack in the middle of the night and her mom didn't notice until she tried waking her up to go to school. Girl had the slightest pulse. She'll make it out alive, but she has a collapsed lung. So we're gonna plug her in and hope for the best. She's going to have to stay for a few days though, you know, to see if a new lung comes in tow." She says this like it's nothing while chewing her icky hospital oatmeal.