A Collection of Personal Poems

Denial

Imagine a wall standing above any other. Reaching over the sky and under the clouds.

In that wall is a rock and on it is me. Below that is a dark and treacherous water full of my inner demons.

I cling to the edge of this rock seeing the people on the other side and I beg them to rescue me from the ball and chain dragging me under

But, they don't see me. They don't hear my cries...only continue walking along because to them everything is fine

Eventually I got tired of the cuts and scrapes on my hands and I let go and let the waves consume me.

Falling
            Falling
                        Falling
                                    Falling
I don't fight, I don't struggle, I just...float
                                                                          Floating
"I'm fine" I'll say. NO YOU'RE NOT.

One day I woke up in the midst of floating and thought, why am I here, why am I pining after those who are gone? But one day I will be gone so what's the point?

Why keep trying? Then a voice in my head said I have to keep trying

And I listened

There were bad days, crying rivers all day and still desperately trying to convince the world that nothing was wrong with me.

I wouldn't get out of bed, because I didn't see a point and I'd think again, why?

Because I wanted to live, not just survive

So there were good days where I would swim to the rock and climb it with all my strength, dragging that ball and chain behind me and smashing it against the wall.
Crumbling
                   Tumbling
                                    Falling down
And I stepped out

After what had seemed like an eternity I clawed my way out of my coffin of grief and even though my nails were broken and my hands cracked and bleeding; I was relieved, I was free.

Some days I end up back inside the wall and some days I see through it to the others in there

I stretch my arms open like eagles wings beckoning them into my arms of understanding because I know and I can help

I know, I've been there, I know

Years ago my mom asked me; "are you depressed?"

I said no

If you asked me now I'd say, I was but I'm fine, most days