Caught in a Lie ~ h.s.

♕ XXII ♕

I knew he didn't want anything to do with me, but that didn't stop me from trying to reach out over the days I spent alone. I knew he wouldn't answer, but that didn't stop me from trying; I knew I'd regret it if I didn't try. Fifteen phone calls were delivered and fifteen were ignored. His voicemail-box was filled with the same messages of apologies, crying, and begging for him to come back. I was stupid to think he'd ever listen to me or even consider picking up, but I had to try.

It's been three days since our screaming match in my office and I'm exhausted from trying and ready to give up on everything and everyone. The idea of moving to a deserted island and living off of nature looking more and more promising as the time goes on.

"Get up."

I barely move a muscle when I hear her demanding voice follow the sound of my bedroom door slamming open against the wall behind it, I simply stay put in the centre of my bed with damp eyes and a scratchy throat. I don't flinch when she plops herself down beside me and starts shaking my leg with her delicate hand. I simply ignore her presence as if she hadn't even come in, clamping my eyes shut so that I'm not forced to look at her. She has a way of getting others to do anything with just a single look from her hazel eyes.

"Mabel, I said get up." Again, I ignore her, wanting to wallow in self-pity until the day I die.

"Get out, Gwendolyn." I'm not in the mood for anyone's company, haven't been since Niall left Sunday night. I gave him some days off since everything's been so crazy around here. He needs to spend time with his fiancee and not with my sorry åss, excuse my French. Whether he's actually stayed away is beyond me, for all I know he could be standing right outside my door.

"Don't Gwendolyn me." She tutts, shaking my leg again as if it'll make me actually look at her. "You need to pull yourself together. We're all grieving, but you're taking it too dåmn far, drama queen. Violet's quieter than usual, which is to be expected, but at least she's up and around still causing chaos throughout the house. Look at me, I'm fine. I'm sad as fück, but I'm socializing. And even mother is up galavanting like she used to; maybe it's a front she putting up, I don't know, but at least she trying. You on the other hand, well, you're here."

"This isn't about father." I bark, finally opening my eyes to look at Gwen as I prop myself up on my elbows. She looks perfectly normal, as if nothing stressful has been happening in her life. Her hair is on point, in fact it looks freshly dyed; and her makeup is as flawless as always, even as she cocks a sculpted brow at me. "Okay, it's not all about him." I'm still gravely saddened by my father's passing, like any normal human being would be, but as of now I'm grieving my broken heart more than I am the loss of a loved one.

"You think I don't know that? I was in my office when you and loverboy had your little spat the other day." A groan leaves my lips at the thought of her overhearing everything that was said between the two of us. I should've known to check if she was in her office before having a yelling match in the room right next door, but my mind was elsewhere. "You're grieving because your heart is broken." I haven't cried in a good two hours but I know that record won't hold for long if we continue this conversation. "You've been through heartache before but this is different."

My first "love" was the same man that I lost my ever important virginity to, at the age of seventeen. He was too caught up in himself to see that he wasn't making me happy, or making me feel good. So time after time, when he treated me like utter crap, just to be with me for my name and title, I stuck with him until I couldn't take it anymore. Four months into our whirlwind "romance", I broke up with him and I felt awful, not necessarily because I felt for his feelings, but for my own. I cried for days, because that's what emotional, hormonal teenage girls do when they go through their first break up. At the end of the day, that heartache was a tiny scratch compared to the feeling of being torn apart from the inside out.

"Stop being so dramatic." With a hard slap to my leg, I shoot up to a seated position, glaring my eyes over at her.

How dare she? I'm her big sister; I'm the bloody queen for Christ's sake!

"Gwen!" My glare doesn't falter as I rub the stinging feeling felt from where her palm had made contact with my bare thigh. I open my mouth to further express my annoyance with her, but she beats me to it, continuing her lecture.

"Get up off your åss. It's not like you to sulk this way and it's sure as hęll not healthy, nor is it proper." She grabs at my hand, standing on her own to feet and giving me a tug to try and pry me from my bed. "If you're upset about the outcome then do something about it. Stop whining about and making everyone else's lives a living hęll."

I know she's right. I know that sulking will get me nowhere in life and that I'm not acting my age by pouting, crying, and locking myself away in my room. I know that I should be over my feelings, because in this line of "work" your feelings should come second to your duties, but I simply cannot. I cannot go on pretending I don't hurt, that I don't have a life, that I don't matter as a person. I'm allowed to feel and I'm allowed to take time for me; and even if there was a I way to change the outcome of everything it's not likely it'll work.

"He wants nothing to do with me!" I finally snap, the volume of my voice exceeding hers and she can't help but fall quiet. I don't think I've ever raised my voice at her before and that fact is clear with the shock written across her face. "You said it yourself: you heard our fight. He wants nothing to do with me. He hates me and probably wishes he never met me. What's the good of me going after him when he left me? I know when I'm not wanted." My chest is raising and falling at a quick pace when I've finished and I expect Gwen it be shocked by my rant, but she's really not. In fact, she laughs at me.

"You think he doesn't want you?" Her question is rhetoric as she clamps her hands around her stomach and laughs like I've never heard her laugh before. Part of me thinks she's finally snapped, like the life of a royal has finally gotten to her; all that glitter and glam has made her mind mush. "You are the dumbest, smartest woman I have ever met, Mabel."

"Why on earth are you laughing?"

"Because that man, though incredibly angry with you loves you to bits." An angry chuckle leaves my lips at her words.

"Well, he's got a funny way of showing it." She's right, as always; I know she's right, but I'm stubborn and hurt.

"You know he does, Mabel. As your sister I'm automatically on your side, but I know how he feels and I know how you feel. The fact that you're still crying over him, says a lot more than your actual words do." She's quiet now, approaching my bed as I sit on the edge. She softly reaches down, brushing my messy waves out of my face only to brush the tears I didn't know were falling off my cheeks. "I've had partners lie to me before and it's hard to hear apologies when you feel so used and betrayed, so I know how he feels, but I also know how you feel too."

"Who betrayed you?" I wonder, never hearing her say something like this before. "Jay?" A solemn nod is all it takes to give me the answer. "Recently?" Thankfully, she shakes her head. I've been so wrapped up in my own problems that if something had happened between Jay and my sister I wouldn't have even noticed. If that doesn't put my issues into prospective, I don't know what will for me. "What happened? Why didn't you come to me?"

"It's really stupid, May, and something that's not worth me even talking about. At the time, I thought she and I were over. I was so angry with her that I avoided her at all costs, but that girl," Gwen laughs, shaking her head lightly as she does so, "is so god-dåmn persistent. She fought for me and I loved, love, her so much that we were able to mend what was broken. I was able to look past her mistake and I know Harry loves you just the same."

"I don't know, Gwen."

"Yes, you do. You've called him, right?" I don't have to answer her for her to know the truth. "He didn't pick up because he can escape the calls. You need to go see him, make him see you so he can hear you. I'm not saying that it'll work right away or that all your issues will go away, but there's not hurt in trying. Just give him a bit more time." I sniffle quietly, dropping my head to hide the tears from my sister.

"I love him; I love him so much that it hurts." Gwen plops down next to me, wrapping a strong arm around me to hold me close. She hugs me for a while, not saying anything whilst she calms me down. We sit together for what seems like forever until Gwen pulls away with a quick swipe of her thumb underneath my eyes.

"Your love for him is the sole reason why you can't let him be the one that got away."

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