Untrue Happiness

Chapter 3

As I had to start paying for tuition and other college related things, money problems began to surface again along with the incessant yelling and screaming from my parents. It finally reached a breaking point as my second semester started and my dad had enough. He wanted a divorce from my mother.

I should have been more surprised but I wasn’t. I knew my parents were never really in love. They never acted it and I was constantly wondering why they even got married in the first place. I knew that my parents had me out of wedlock but if they hated each other so much how did they get in the position of having me in the first place?

Since Dad moved out a few weeks ago I haven’t heard anything from him except for when he was on the phone with my mother screaming so loud that his voice carried over to me from across the room. In all honesty, I knew that if my parents were to get divorced that this would happen. I was never really a ‘Daddy’s girl. I’ve always felt like a burden to him due to the fact that every time he had to give me money for school or clothing he would frown and rub his head as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out some cash-always at least five less dollars than I needed- and throw it on the table saying, “Here.”

He never smiled. Not once in my life did I see him chuckle or grin at something me or my mother said. The only T.V he watched was ESPN and at dinner he would just sit there in silence unless he was arguing with mom about something irrelevant.

When I was little I had always begged my parents for a sibling. I was so lonely that I didn’t even care if it were a boy or girl. As long as they loved and looked up to me, I would be happy. No surprise, this didn’t happen. I grew up without anyone to share with or to torture but I soon realized this was a good thing. My parents weren’t happy with one child, why would two change that?

It was clear that nothing could save their marriage. In a way it’s a relief that it’s over. Once everything is over with and they are officially divorced they won’t have to speak -argue rather, anymore and maybe I can get some peace from them.

Since finals were coming up and school will be out for the summer, Farah and I were doubling up hours at the Café to make more money in hopes of having enough to move into a dorm together for sophomore year. I was desperate to get away from my mother even if in the next few months she will calm down, I still don’t want to deal with her. Just because she is horrible now, doesn’t mean she wasn’t bad before.

One time when I was seven, at Christmas I had been so excited to open presents because I had been hoping and begging Santa for a keyboard. I really wanted to learn how to play because I saw this girl on TV once playing and she was so good. I wanted to be as good as her. As I opened the last gift under the tree I was disappointed that I didn’t receive what I wanted the most. Mom noticed that I didn’t look happy and asked me what was wrong. When I told her that I wanted a keyboard she slapped me and said that I was being greedy and should be glad I got anything at all. Bawling I ran to my room and hid under my blankets for the rest of the day. I didn’t even get dinner. Let’s just say it wasn’t my best Christmas.

Deciding to take Farah’s advice with dealing with my mom as I got home, I quietly went upstairs to change out of my work clothes. I knew if I wanted to make it out of the house before she saw me that I wouldn’t be able to eat something here. Not that there was anything to eat anyway.

As I made my way back downstairs all dolled up in a mini skirt and red tube-top, my hair flowing down my back in loose curls and my favorite black pumps, I did my best to sneak out the front door before my mother could catch me. As luck would have it, she did catch me right as I was about to open the door.

“Where are you sneaking off to?” She sniped, leaning against the wall in a too-short silky bathrobe.

“Just going out with Chris.” I gave her a tight smile and went to open the door again.