Shifts & shades » c.h.

Chapter 24- "I miss you"

My heart was pounding out of my chest and my shirt was soaked from the tears by the time I arrived at our special place "Fuck it!" I screamed on the top of my lungs, plopping down on the chopped off tree trunk. "Fuck it!" I repeated even louder. I wanted to rip all my hair out of my head, because that physical pain wouldn't be as bad as this mental torture I'm stuck in.

'And how am I supposed to explain this to Hope's mother? She lost her only daughter, the only person that connected her with her long gone husband, her only left family member is gone. And that's all my fault. I am such a fuck up!' The longer I thought, the more I began hating myself, tears were still streaming down my face like a waterfall.

-Ashton's POV-

One month has passed, but not one single day has ended without sorrow. Calum's a mental and physical wreck, he's paler and skinnier than ever, his eyes are black and dead, with dark bags showing beneath them. We all are suffering from the loss, but Calum's the worst. He can't sleep because of his nightmares, he doesn't eat and he hasn't smiled once since that day.

"No!" My eyes shot open by the loud screams that came from Calum's room. "No! Stay!" His voice rang through the whole house, waking us all. Jesse gave me a look as she faced me, her hair was spread all over her pillow and I gave her a single nod in return. I let out a long, deep sigh before I crawled out of the warm bed, ready to comfort my crashing friend.

"Hey, mate!" I busted into his room. Every single night, he breaks something, this time, Calum sat in the middle of the floor, shatters of his lamp were spread all over the ground, surrounding him. His knuckles were dark red, blood dripping down and his shirt was soaked with tears and sweat.

"Go away!" He yelled, his hand reaching for a shatter of glass, but I ran over to him and stopped his hand before anyone could get wounded. "No. Calm down" I whispered, demanding him to drop the sharp pointed piece of glass. "She's gone" This became pretty much our routine. Calum gets furious, mostly at himself and next he breaks into tears, begging god to turn back time.

"No she isn't. She's right there" I pointed at his chest, helping him to stand up. It was difficult to get out of the circle of glass without getting cut, but fortunately nobody got hurt. "Now you should get some sleep" I mumbled, not knowing what else to say, because I'm so damn bad at comforting people.

"I can't" He simply answered, his head hung down as he plopped down on his bed, while I started to clean the mess of the broken lamp. "Try at least, you need it" I sighed, picking up the trash. "Do it for us" I mumbled, but I didn't get any reaction. "Do it for Hope" It was even difficult for me to mention her and the moment Calum heard her name, his head snapped up, his black eyes staring at me and eventually, he gave in.

After we talked for a bit, it was difficult for Calum to keep his eyes open and finally he fell asleep. "He's sleeping" I whispered to Jesse, crawling under the blankets, next to her. "Good. He needed it" She answered simply, kissing my temple before burying her face in my chest, like she always does.

By the sound of her steady breathing pace, I knew she was sleeping, but I couldn't. I kept thinking about Calum and Hope. They were a perfect couple, everything in their life went smoothly, they were head over heels in love. But of course it couldn't keep going that perfect, because in a few minutes Alex ruined everything. He ruined my best friend's life.

We were all suffering, it was a huge impact on our lives. Hope Mitchell was known as nice girl, sassy when needed, but she had a huge heart. She has sacrificed herself, to protect those who were loved by her. She was too good for this world, and god knows it, that's why he has decided to send her to heaven, even though we're breaking because of it, especially Calum. I bet if Hope could see him now she'd want to turn back time to stay alive, for him.

-Calum's POV-

I woke up in a deadly silence and in a cold, empty bed, no Hope laying next to me. The birds that used to wake me up like in a fairytale have disappeared and have replaced by black crows that keep reminding me of the death. It feels like every time they sing, I hear a muffled voice that screams my name, and that voice belongs to Hope.

Since the day I lost her, I turned in an Alpha, for two reasons, I've killed an Alpha myself, namely Alex and I also could resist his powers. And to be honest, I hate it to be an Alpha, because I have to thank it to Hope's death, a memory that breaks my heart every time I think about it. And the worst is that I can't think of anything else but that.

We've told nobody, not even her mother about the reason Hope died, because of course, we can't tell them about werewolves. It's still an unsolved mystery.

"I've made you some pancakes" Jesse whispered, leading me to the kitchen. "Not hungry" I protested, stumbling along with her. "Come on, if you don't eat, you'll die" She tightened her grip on my arm. 'I want to die' "I'm not hungry" I repeated, but I went to the kitchen anyway.

"I'm going outside for a moment" I mumbled, snatching my arm out of her grip and before she could even protest, I was already at the door. Sometimes I just have to go to our place, for some rest, to talk to Hope.

I am so fucking mad at myself for letting her go that day. I want to punch myself until I stop breathing, to be with her. I could just cry a whole ocean by thinking of it. All those emotions are exploding inside of me, they're driving me insane, meanwhile I feel empty and lifeless all the time. Those two kinds of feelings are just the opposite of each other, which makes everything so fucking difficult. And that's why I come to Hope, to talk to her, let all my feelings free, to beg her to come back. It's so relieving to go there and when I come back, I start over again. That's the problem, I start from the bottom, but I never get up.

Without stopping, I ran to our place, where the chopped off tree is surrounded by flowers. "I'm back" I panted, plopping down on the tree trunk. This is the only place that connects us and that connection is a strong wire between us, one that isn't able to break. "I miss you" I mumbled.