The Entire History of Us

Prologue

"Saffi", a muffled voice said as I quietly stared at the window. Looking at the bright morning sky and trying to avoid hearing the voice I am hearing now. Trying to find a solution to the dilemma.

I can't even stress enough that I continue to dread this decision but I don't know if I can continue to pretend that I'm okay.

I'm not okay. No, correct that, we're not okay. I continue to stress over what words I'm gonna say as the muffled voice said again, "Saffi we have to go."

I looked intensely at the blue sky of the morning to block out the sound. I look at the morning sky and even if a sun rise was supposed to symbolize hope, I had already given up hope.

I try to look at things in a different perspective because maybe I'm just overreacting so if I put it in a different light, I would understand.

And it's not like I didn't try to do that. I tried so many times already to understand but I'm always left with a question mark. I'm always going around the same circle. I'm always finding dead ends instead of solutions.

I felt bad because maybe I wasn't trying enough and that maybe I was just being an emotional bundle of hormones overthinking ever movement and decision. Calculating what he does, making up scenarios that could happen because of what he does.

My own thoughts betray me. It causes me to fight with him over simple things which seemed like something I would never do when we first begun. For the past few weeks, no, the past few months, we were always fighting.

He finally came home but it was already twelve midnight and I was practically dying of worry, lying on the couch frantically switching between channels, when I didn't see him at ten because he promised to be home by that time so I sighed and said, "Benji, where were you? It's already 12:00."

He just looked at me annoyed and said, "You didn't have to wait for me, you could've just went to bed and not worry about me, I can take care of myself."

"What?! So you're asking me, your girlfriend! To not worry about you Benji?! What are we then? Roommates in this apartment?! That it's okay not to question where the other one is going?!", I said while standing up from the couch to not be far from him and so that I didn't have to look up at him as we spoke.

"Whatever', he said while heading to our room when I said, "Where were you even?" He stopped in his tracks and said, "I was with friends."

"You have many friends Benji, elaborate on what you mean by friends", I said as I walked towards him and he said, "I was hanging out with Amanda." I stopped walking and raised my brow while inquiring in complete annoyance, "Just you and Amanda?"

"Yeah, and what about it Saf, she's nice to hangout with", he said while trying to head to the room but I grabbed his arm stopping him and I said, "You have got to be kidding me, can't you see that she's been trying to get into your pants for a while now! Ever since you started working at that job of yours!"

"Stop being delusional Saf, just let it go, she's nice and you should be nice to her too", he said but I still held onto his arm and said, "What do you think of me Benji?! I can see the way she touches you, whenever she's around you, she's very touchy and if I'm not around the both of you, she'd probably already have dragged you into a hotel room and the two of you would do who know what."

"Are you saying I'm just any guy who'd give into my hormones and do it with just any girl who gets me all riled up, do you not trust me?", he said as I finally let go of his arm and I said, "It's not that I don't trust you, I don't trust Amanda, and I know you're not like any other guy but just what if-." He cut me off as he looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "Saffi stop! You are always thinking Amanda is some like slut trying to get into my pants, Saf you're delusional!"