HERO SYNDROME

❝We're Not All Guaranteed Tomorrow's❞

"I'm leaving for Safe Haven tomorrow, and I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." I said my voice was coming out shakier than I intended. "There's a lot I want to say to you, and I don't know how?"

Jace parked outside of my house. Dread settled deep inside of me, this was it. But when I reached for the door, Jace put the car in park. "Just tell me, why did you run back to Stella's brother if you hated him so much?"

"The same reason people go back to their hometowns after they've grown up and moved away." I shrugged, "I wanted to remember something I had lost a long time ago, my innocence."

"Colton was more than just an old boyfriend, wasn't he?"

I nodded, and braced myself for what I had to say next. "We started dating secretly when I was fifteen and he was seventeen. It was innocent at first, just two people who enjoyed talking and being around each other. Then one day I woke up and found I was happiest with him. He was my happiness after all the crap I had to go through with my dad.

I fell in love, we both did. We fell hard, and I gave him a part of me I would never give back. Then I got pregnant, and we both freaked. He was going off to college and wanted me to get an abortion. I was scared that if I did, some higher being would punish me and who was I to decide whether to end a life?

So I told him I wouldn't do it, and he left. He didn't even say goodbye, he just packed up and left. That was the end."

Jace stared at me, and I knew he was slowly registering all of this. It was a lot. When he met me, I was the girl who didn't even like being touched. Now he was trying to see me as the girl who was pregnant. It wasn't exactly an easy leap.

Finally, he blinked and his hand slowly reached across the seat and touched mine. It felt like an old welcome, like waking up something inside of me I had missed.

"What happened after he left?" He asked carefully, probably wondering what happened to said baby.

I looked away, and felt my heart breaking. "I realized I wasn't an adult with the means to take care of a baby. I was entering junior year, I was jobless, and I wasn't exactly mentally ready for that kind of responsibility. So with mom's help, I decided that an abortion was the right thing to do."

"So you-"

"No, I didn't have the abortion. I had a miscarriage, and to this day I don't know whether that was easier or not." I explained, feeling a single tear form. It was getting easier to talk about this, now that it wasn't a secret. "Anyway, things got harder after that. I felt guilty about choosing the abortion, and having a miscarriage was my punishment. I was angry at myself and I channeled a lot of that anger at Colton."

Jace didn't miss a beat and squeezed my hand, a reassurance that he was there. "He left, you had every right to be mad."

I shook my head, "Maybe at first. But I think I see his side of it now. We're kids, we had no business starting a family together. One day I'll face him and not feel guilt and sadness. Just, not today. I still have a lot to work on."

"Is that why you're going to Safe Haven?" He asked.

I nodded. "I've been lying for so long, that I don't know who I am without all my secrets. I'm working through Colton, my dad, the miscarriage, and everything I did to you, Stella, and my family. It's a lot, but I really want to try this time."

"How long will you be gone?"

"The program is three months. I'll be back by spring to finish up our senior year, so until then I'm gonna be enrolled at the school Safe Haven offers. " I let out a deep breath, and knew I had a long way to go.