The worst move of my life

The 9th grade

Aka , a fucking shit storm and a HALF!

So, 9th grade was the end of August 2018. I had the world in the palm of my hands. It felt like nothing could stop me, ever. But in reality, I was just a really, REALLY lost kid...You see, 8th grade was a weird time for me , the same time that I met all my friends from freshmen year. Those exact friends would soon become strangers, back stabbers, two faced people. But don't let that scare you, it wasnt anyones fault. Its inevitable I suppose. 

The reason I say 8th grade was odd is because, this is when I really started living in a false perception of reality. But, for this story to make any sense, or, if you really want the reality and the 100% version of me, I have to go even deeper to my past.

When I first moved to pa....2013.

At this time I was living in Virgina and I was getting fairly decent grades. I was getting at lowest a D but I never failed at all. 6th Grade I started to slip a little but I got my crap together and started doing my school work.

So academically speaking, I was doing alright.

But friend wise, My mom had two old people, our church friends, puggy (she had to go visit him once we moved)...but, overall she didn't have many friends being a single mother. And the friends she did have, well, she burned her bridges with them too.

I remember at 12 how protective and jealous I got over certain friends. I was definately what you'd refer to as posessive. And that really sucked.

I clung onto friends like no tomorrow, I even clung to guys like Peyton at an extremely young age.

For such a long time I was afraid to go to my mom about stuff, I don't know why but it was like I saw the real her 24/7...because well, I was with her 24/7. Its not like Im mad at her or anything, I just felt like my friends, and my Mom-mom were a safer and less judgemental route.

When it came to grades, my mom was just...shitty.

Im sorry , Its just, if your child has D's in English and you repeatedly tell her "I never had to study I just had to get enough sleep and I passed with flying colors, I even skipped school and still graduated" At such a young age it was put into my brain that; because you took the easy way and it worked for you, because im your offspring it should work for me".

I never remember her trying to study with me, I remember her trying to cover up and play nice mommy here and there, but if she was drinking or doing her own thing, she wouldn't bother.

As for the sleep thing, I could never sleep as a kid. She always said "just close your eyes and think of black, youll fall asleep, it always works for me" 

Of course it works for you in your weed induced sleep coma.

She claims now that she tried SO hard to buy me flashcards, this and that,but a 12 year old who is clearly unintrested is going to be even MORE bored by it when you show her that it doesnt matter.

My grandma on the other hand was very supportive.

So after school lead out, which btw, I didnt need any form of summer school and passed that shit cause I really tried to learn, and I did care, and I payed attention.

We talked about moving , casually, here and there.

And basically I dont 100% remember how our move went but this is what I remember of it;

We wanted to move and my mom talked to my cousin Judy who came the fuck out the blue. My grandma warned us that she wasnt a great person, but, my mom didnt listen because she was probably lonely and desperate, not to be mean because I totally inheritated that trait from her. Plus she was a single mom who probably had as many friends as she does now. Honestly, looking back at it, I dont remmeber my mother having many friends at all, ever.

Before Jersey I know little to nothing about her past besides little stories here and there. Its like she took my to virginia to get away from her past. She just didnt want her family to tell me who she is, what she did from ages 18 to 35, and just... her life.

I guess she was running away from demons she didnt want to see, and didnt want me to go through. If they put her through hell, she probably didnt want me to go through that. And honestly , I didnt grow up with uncle Robbie or Louie, but now that Im older, I don't really like them all that much. I just don't know them I suppose. My family is always like "donna is donna" like shes a becky, a crackhead...

Her own mother wasnt there for my birth, nor my father, I believe it was my uncle who gave her a ride in fact... Which is kinda sad to think, why couldn't you just ask one of your friends to help...

35, and probably, again, had as many friends as now...When you see my father and his bunch, they aren't exactly the most classy of people so I feel like it was a desperate seeking of friends.

Anyway, enough with that backstory, With that being said, when we moved to Judys I think my mom had the wrong impression, like we could actually realistically live there for soooo long.

Not only showering, smoking up her bedrooms, probably smoking weed in her house, using all her electricity, etc...

So we moved out of there, and then began tamaqua.