Paris

Paris

Life story...

When my parents died, I thought my life was falling apart. I always kept my apartment door locked. Every window never opened. I never let strangers in my house or even gave them my address. Most of my friends don't even know where I live. I want and need it to stay that way.

You might ask why I'm so precocious about people and all those things I just pointed out? Well, my parents died when two men broke into their house, planning to just rob the place then ditch, well my mom was getting a glass of water when this all happend and one of the men thought he had no other choice but to knock her out so he did which caused my dad to have a meltdown. He started hitting the guys with a baseball bat. The guy that knocked my mom out pulled a gun to my fathers head and pulled the trigger. Harsh, I know. Next they killed my mom so she could tell the cops anything when she woke up. I was 17 when all this happened and was currently visiting my aunt in Washington while my mom and dad stayed home in Manhattan.

I had a brother. His name was Josh and he was four years older then me. He ran away when I was 14. So technically my parents couldn't do anything about it considering he had just turned 18. He was my best friend so I had no idea why he left. No goodbye or anything. Maybe he was just scared I'd tell someone when in all reality, I would never tell a secret like that. Or any secret for that matter.

A few months after I turned 18, my aunt Remmie died of cancer. Since I was 18 and an legal adult, I was forced to live on my own even though I wasn't ready for that big step in my life. I really had no choice though. These were the times I wished Josh never left. Times I wish he would have told me so I could have at least tried and stopped him. These were the times I needed him.

I'm now 19 and its been one year since my aunt died and two years since my parents. I still wake up screaming every night. Every single night. Nightmares. Nightmares of my parents dying, of my aunt dying, and sometimes if I'm really lucky, of Josh dying. In my arms. And it was my falt. I have no idea why I have dreams like this but I do and I have no clue how to stop them. Dream Catchers don't work worth shit. I've tried therapy. Also didn't work. I started to think that there was no home at all for getting rid of these horrible nightmares.

And the thing that makes this all worse. The thing that makes me dread my life. The one thing that I regret most...

Was when I let my brother back in....