Demons in ones head

Counting days and nights.

I am so sorry for asking you to stay. I saw how genuine your smile was when i saw the photo. If she is whom you want you may now be with her i will make sure this happens this time. I will no longer be a hindrance to your happiness, plans and future. I felt i did all i can to keep you but i  am and will never be enough. I am mean stupid arrogant and a hypocrite. I am all that but one thing is for sure that i am soo happy i get to learn to love unconditionally. A love i thought would last. Had 6 a 46 e. I know something is now wrong. I know. But i am waiting. I will be patient hope you will too. Hopefully no meds could cure it as to i no longer have the will to keep seeing the sun rise. I want the sunset to be the last thing i would see. I have been weighing things so much to better understand the situation but would still end up about me being unworthy of this gift of life. I wish dili c wreid o c auntie ang gekuha ug ako nalang unta the kids would still have a mom unta asta c uyan. Ako, i know for sure you will forget me. And so will my family. I have nothing so ngano d man ako? I feel so unworthy each time i get to inhale some air all because i could even buy mama a good meal. I feel unworthy for not being able to help my sibs out. And very unworthy to keep you though you wanted someone else. But i promise you love this time i am going with no hesitations. No more fear left in me but my will to be able to stop my pain. I have tried several outlets to somewhat change my decision like looking for options to fly abroad and stArt a new but how will i start without a purpose? Humana oi sakto naman pod cguro ni hopeful ko no one sa family or sa imo makasuway sa dalan nga akoa gelakwan. Its dark and you always feel alone. Days are always long and so are the nights. I have been trying to stop myself to really rip my heart out literally just so i could ask myself to change how it beats? I wanted to change my feelings unta para mas dawat nako d naka akoa. You knew me back then. I am sure you know i was never serious with people i wanna be with. I use to always find it easy to be with new girls. Pero ikaw? You were my IT. I was trapped. I love you. Pero d man diay enough ang love noh? Kailangan man gyud diay naa kay mahatag sobra pas love para mustay sila. I then decided mytag sa next life id be a dog at least dogs get to be loved by people. Kapoi. I would end it here. By the way, remember the watch you bought for me? I want you to have it back, give it to someone you can always make time. Someone who you could give your all. Kay dili na ako. I dont hate you as in nasakitan ko pero wala ko masuko. I cant i just cant be angry with you. Because being angry with you take away my time to love you. I know nasuko ka nako kay grabe nako ka babaon though nakabalo pod ka d ko ing ani sauna. But do know i was like that not because gusto ko maglagut ka but i wanted you to know unsay akoa na feel d ko gusto mu luom ana nga anger kay mu build up rana i wanted to say it out loud so you would know. Para d nako sapoton o masuko nmo after ana. Imagine gud pila na ka away natu nga ako gyuy mu una. I wanted to show you that i can always put away my pride just so i can embrace you and have enough time to show you how i want you to be in my life. But if that has ever made you feel angry and down hopeful that someday in your heart ma forgive ko nmo. I am sorry if i am choosing to leave like this. I love you love. I am sorry.