MARCEL: Oh I'm not coming with you; (pointing stage-left) I'm going that way.
FRITZ: Are you fucking insane?
MARCEL: No, I'm French. And the French are that way; hence I'm going the other way.
FRITZ: Who gives a fuck about the French?
MARCEL: I give a fuck about the French! Why do you give a fuck about me?
FRITZ: Because without you, despite wanting to go this way, we'd somehow fuck it up and end up following you that way.
MARCEL: Well then follow me this way. By your logic, you'll end up that way.
FRITZ: Are you a spastic? If we follow you that way there is no way we'd end up anywhere near this way! Because, and here's the catch, we'd have followed you that way!
MARCEL: Well then good luck.
FRITZ: Wilhelm, you're the smart one, talk some sense into him.
WILHELM: I say just let him go.
FRITZ: Apologies, he's an idiot. You do realise that by your own account, the bleedin' Russians are over there?
MARCEL: Yes, I intend to surrender to them.
FRITZ: You just came from Berlin, way you put it there's enough Russians there to surrender more than once!
MARCEL: Not that you would know, but that's the thing about warzones, everyone's a bit aggravated, and I intend to surrender, not be shot on sight.
FRITZ: Who's to say they won't shoot you on sight?
MARCEL: No-one, I'll just have to pray they're friendly.
FRITZ: We're friendly but he almost shot you on sight! All it takes is one bad apple.
MARCEL: I'll stay away from apples. Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure.
Marcel begins to leave.
MAX: Fucking Jew.
A gut-wrenchingly uncomfortable atmosphere descends upon the campsite.
MARCEL: Excuse me?
FRITZ: Max...
MARCEL: I am no Jew.
MAX: You sure run like one.
MARCEL: And what would a cripple like you know of Jews?
MAX: I know they can't run forever.
MARCEL: And you can't run at all, maybe you're a Jew.
Max pulls his pistol on Marcel.
FRITZ: Not again...
MARCEL: Oh I would love to shoot you.
MAX: Try.
MARCEL: Can't, gave my pistol to a little girl.
MAX: And why would you do a stupid thing like that?
MARCEL: So that the next time the Russians came to rape her, they'd end up like you.
Max cocks his pistol.
FRITZ: Max!
MAX: I'm a war hero!
WILHELM: You drove trains.
YOU ARE READING
Flight of the Maybug (Script)
Historical FictionHitler is dead and SS Captain Rudolph Dietrich has just committed suicide. Now, the surviving members of his ragtag squad, hell-bent in their desire to escape and surrender to western forces, must negotiate the wasteland of their own selfish wants i...
ACT 1
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