our story is not yet Over#2

life without him

I'm still in love with the guy ,still care about him ,still want him in fact I need him.the fact is mulisa is the first guy I loved like truly loved,cared about and depended upon.i had given up all my life for him.But slowly he kills me Everytime unknowingly...he calls me which hurt so bad and slowly I die inside and my self esteem is crushed down ,I loose a piece of me Everytime I talk him but because I love him and I want to be with him I keep on talking to him,i keep on trying to let him see that I'm really sorry , sometimes I feel like giving up on him and us but when I think of all the things we have  been through I keep on getting the energy to keep in trying and hold on but I feel like I'm holding on to something that is very slippery ,one moment I feel like we are getting there but then after a while I loose it again ,I can feel him drifting away ,I can feel the pain coming back and reality hits me THERE WILL NEVER BE AN US AGAIN..
Sometimes I wonder if he is doing this to punish me or he is undecided about us and what he wants.wgen I'm busy apologising and begging him I didn't pay attention to one part ...he moved on,he poster a girl on his social networks and that means that I'm scratched out of the girl friend's list...the pain is indescribable , it's so painful I can feel it in my heart ,right there at the center of my heart .I used to say I know the pain of being heart broken but then I didn't coz the Pain I used to feel or should I say the pain I have felt is nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now.i feel like somebody has stabbed me with a dagger ...one with a Python poison .the Pain doesn't disappear and tears just roll out of my eyes automatically and that's when I felt a warm hand wiping my tears away .then reality hit me ....I'm in class and now everyone is starring at me.i didn't know what to do ...I did the first thing that came to my mind ...ran out of class.
I was hurt ,wanted nothing but to die ,don't get me wrong but the man ofy dreams had moved on which explains the names he calls me  ,the Pain he makes me feel Everytime we talk,the hatred  in his words,t he I don't care attitude and the leave me alone indirectly texts.i cannot believe the guy I had given my life to had left me and moved on ...with a cute girl .I searched him on my Facebook but he had unfriended and blocked me ... another heart breaking point💔💔.it's such a shame to be me but then I brought to myself.