Caught in a Lie ~ h.s.

♕ XXI ♕

I hate myself, my status, my life. I want to be like him, ordinary yet fascinating; I'd do anything to get back what we had.

"Fine, Mabel." He settles on, chest raising and falling steadily. With a sharp intake of air, his head rolls back and he looks up at the ceiling, probably debating on what to say to me next. "I only came here for an explanation." He seethes out and when I open my mouth to speak, he continues. "You know, I started to figure it out, yeah, it wasn't really clear until the whole primary school stunt, and even then I thought I was delusional. Niall showed up everywhere with you and then I find out he's a palace guard, set to protect the all-mighty Princess Mabel of Weybridge, and pieces started to come together. The way you talked was different, the never having been to London-thing even though you live fairly close was weird, hęll the first time you spent the night you told me you had secrets. I didn't want to believe it, so I pushed myself not to find the truth. I didn't look you up, I didn't spy on you; I didn't do anything." His voice just keeps on getting louder and louder and soon Niall won't simply stay outside the doors, he'll investigate. "I want to know why."

"Why?"

"Yes, why!" He shouts, causing me to jump slightly in fright. I know he'd never hurt me, but his voice is powerful when filled with rage that I can't help the fight or flight actions my body takes. "Why you lied to me; why you pulled me into this. Why me?" My heart hurts, clenching painfully with every thump meant to bring life, but now only brings dread. It's when I see that his eyes have glossed over lightly with tears, that I start crying myself.

I've caused the only person I've ever truly loved, besides my family, the worst pain imaginable and in turn it's causing me complete anguish. I should have known that loving someone would only in turn mean I'd hurt them. I should have never kept in contact with Harry. I should have forgotten about him the second Niall dragged me away those months ago. And despite having to live with this pain in my hurt and the immense heartache of knowing I've caused Harry pain, I don't think I could have done anything differently. I'm selfish in that way.

"I never meant to hurt you. Our meeting was by mistake, I had never been outside the palace walls without an army of men surrounding me, so I dragged Niall into sneaking me out for a night. I ran from him, got too excited when I saw the tube, thus how you and I met. It was a one-time thing; I never planned on going back, never planned to do it again... but then I met you."

I release a shaky breath, eyes peering up through eyelashes coated with tears to see Harry standing silently. He almost scoffs at my words, I can see that he wants to, but by some miracle he keeps it in.

"I met you and you made me feel something I'd never felt before. You showed me things I'd never experienced and you were kind, patient, funny, smart, and of course handsome. I tried to break things off after that first night, but you assured me everything was fine; you told me you didn't care!"

Our yelling match fades into silence as I'm left breathing deeply and crying uncontrollably. I find it hard to breathe, like the room is caving in on us, but I do my best to fight off a full blown anxiety attack, even though I'm due for one right about now. The nails of my fingers dig trenches into clammy skin, soon to be filled with drops of crimson if I don't let up, but I don't mind the pain. The look Harry gives me is far more painful than anything I could inflict upon myself.

"You have to believe me; I never wanted to lie to you. My intentions were never to hurt you and I wanted to tell you so many times."

"Then why didn't you?" His voice, though just angry, sounds like it's taunting me viciously.

"Because I was scared." I sob, knowing for a fact I look furthest from the Stoic Queen now. There's probably snot dripping from my nose and saliva catching at the corners of my mouth, but I do nothing to rid my face of the bodily fluids; it's the last thing on my mind. "I was so scared that you'd find out and you'd hate me and you'd never want to see me again."