Let go, Llse

One Chance

Let go, Ilse

Prologue;

Second chances are given to make things right.

     Forty years of my life wasted over petty jealousy that influenced me, such an enormous amount of agony, to others also. I was given everything at a young age, I saw the world as mine to take. I was spoiled and arrogant. I was the only child of the Vida family, a wealthy family who lived in a mansion in the upper hills of our town. Then there was Natalie Loyola, her family was very close to mine. Samual Loyola was my father closest companion who died in a car accident with his wife, not having any relatives my father took Natalie in. She was intelligent, beautiful, and kind. All that I wish to be, somebody I envied to be.

      My parents loved her, she was more their daughter than I at any point was. I was the spoiled little girl that lacked elegance and generosity. I did everything in my power to be superior to her, yet I always failed. As I grew older the uglier my personality was becoming I was the real daughter of the Vida family, but near Natalie, I was just a shadow.

     Natalie and I were the same age, we went to the same schools with the same education, but never the same treatment or results. I felt happiness for the first time when I meet a beautiful boy, it was all consuming, instant adoration. He claimed my heart and my thoughts. I wanted him, but yet again Natalie had to take him too, How stupid was I? I did everything to have him notice me, but how can you see someone who you never knew existed?

     I treated Natalie horribly, she attempted to have a bond with me, perhaps we could've if my absurdity never acted as a burden. To pursue somebody who was never mine, because of the selfish actions I ruined Natalie pure heart. The more wrong I did to her the more my parents despised me. They weren't wrong to feel that way. I lost my rational sanity to jealousy, I turned wicked for my ignorance. I saw Natalie crossing the street, and in a blind rage, I ran her over, which caused other cars to crash into me. I was a coward and a murder. I did everything for nothing, I lost everything to feel nothing but torment.

I teared up remember everything I've done, my mind clear to witness the monster I've become.

"I-I did this?" I muttered, I sobbed breaking down.

"It's sad, but you can change?"

All of a sudden, I was standing in a white room before a young child. I couldn't believe this-this all felt like a nightmare. I saw -her face demonstrated her shrewd eyes that shouldn't be displayed on a young child.

Is this judgment?

"Don't worry, Llse. It is not your time yet."

      I stared at her in awe, her voice was so clear and child-like. I felt her sympathy, and I cringed. I didn't deserve her comfort, I did something monstrous I should be judged accordingly.

     I heard her footsteps come near me, I felt sudden warmth. I realized she was hugging me. I cried more, I didn't deserve to feel at peace.

"I died. I'm going to hell aren't I?" I asked her through my cries.

She looked up, she smiled brightly.

"Llse, do you want another chance?" to be a better person, was left unsaid but I understood the meaning.

I realized how careless I've been letting myself believe that I'm better and more deserving of love than Natalie who lost her parents and also deserved love. I wanted another chance to prove myself, to rely on myself and to not chase for one-sided love and, to be my own person and to make up for everything I've done to Natalie.

"Llse..do you want your second chance?" I felt her hold me tighter, her eyes demonstrated insight. 

Yes, I needed another chance, I wanted to live for me and become healthy and wise. To have my world expand beyond what I saw previously.

I hugged her back.

"I want another chance," I whispered closing my eyes as more tears left me.

"Llse its okay to feel, don't let it all go but, I do hope you find true happiness."

"Thank you."

Those were the last words I said to her.