Before She Even Knows

Chapter 9 - I have an objective in mind

"You mean, you wanted her to be jealous?''

She ignores the last part of what I said and I roll my eyes at her. Didn't she hear that Emma was doing it on purpose too?

Why is she being a bitch with me?

I want to tell her to fuck off, but I don't.

''What? That's not what I said.'' Where would she even get that idea from?

''You said you wanted her to feel the same way as you. You were jealous.'' I see a smirk forming on her lips and I want to rip her head off with my bare hands for being so... so... uh, I don't even know.

''Madeleine, you're completely out of your fucking mind. I know you're crazy, but you're crossing the line here. I would never be jealous of her.''

Then why that sex question bothered me so much? I wasn't jealous. It was something else, I just don't know what could be.

What did exactly I want her to feel when I kissed Hannah?

''Why, Noah? Just tell me, why? I know you, and I know that question hit a nerve, but if it's not out of jealousy, then what is it? You helped her yesterday and today there you are, wanting to hurt her. So what is this all about? Is it because of your dad?"

She's the one almost yelling now and I really don't know how to answer. The mention of my dad makes me flinch.

It is because of him after all, isn't it? That's why I hate Emma, that's why I promised to destroy her.

''What's with all the questions Madeleine?''

She knows me too well to know she's pushing this.

She also knows me too well to know I'm dodging her questions.

The truth is, there is a plan. At least I thought this was what this was all about, before it got out of control.

Last week I went to see my father, that's why I kind of disappeared from campus. I thought that if I stayed away for an entire week to get back on track and plan this right, I'd be able to make it without being distracted.

Our plan is simple. Just get close to Emma and become her friend, to be able to get some information on her family's company for us to use as our leverage later with her father.

As simple as that.

I thought that not seeing her for an entire week would just do me good, but when I saw her at the party yesterday, I couldn't breath.

Could have she gotten even more gorgeous in just one week?

So what is supposed to be a simple plan turns out to be more complicated than I thought.

When I saw her talking to that stupid Ryan guy I had to go away. It's not only the fact that I don't know anyone who'd talk about assignments at a college party, but the fact that it's kind of cute that she does it, makes it even worse.

It makes me sick seeing them together, just because they're both too nerd for my liking and he's an idiot not to realize that she's using him, so when I saw Hannah, I didn't even think and hugged her on my way back to our group, hoping that Emma would see it and I'd be distracted from her.

I'm fucking losing my mind, I know.

At the end, being her friend will not be that easy. I knew I had to make a move for this to work, so when I saw she was drinking her fourth cup which is more than normal, not that I was counting, I thought that driving her home was the perfect excuse to get closer without being suspicious.

I was being a jerk to her since day one after all, it's not like I could just say 'hey, I kind of ignore and hate you, not to mention that I was gone for a week, but let's be friends, shall we?'.

I don't think so.

I was actually surprised that she agreed to let me take her home. I guess she's more naive than I thought. Or she's just a good actress, could be that too.

When I parked the car near the dorms, I was supposed to just say goodbye and let her go. A perfect first move into being her friend. I'd think about step two of the plan later.

I thought I was doing fine, but when she smiled at me, that bright smile of hers, I couldn't think of anything more adorable, so before I could think that through, I was already walking her to her dorm.

It was when I realized I wanted to walk her to the dorm, not because of a stupid plan, but because I wanted to make sure she would be ok.

After I dropped her off and drove home, I felt torn between moving forward with the plan and do my best to get closer to her or just stay as far away as possible for my own good.

Well, after today I think she'll be the one staying away from me and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I have an objective in mind after all. I need to focus on the plan.

"Noah, I'm talking to you."

"What?" I zoned out completely while Madeleine was talking and she seems angrier than before.

What was she saying?

"I... I--" she cuts me off, knowing that whatever I have to say, it will be just some lame excuse.

"I told you not to do anything stupid. She's my friend. She's our friend, for god's sake. I know you have this messed up issue with her, but you have to stop. This won't be good for any of you and I don't want to see you both hurt."

I know she's right, but what can I do? It's not like Emma could hurt me.

She doesn't mean anything to me.

"Fine Madeleine, I'll talk to her tomorrow to apologize for my behavior. Happy?"

"You better Noah. You better."

God, I feel like I'm being scolded by my mother.

I'm not so sure I will really talk to Emma, but I'd say anything to get Madeleine to stop being a pain in my ass and just leave me the hell alone.

Not to mention that if I want our plan to work and get close to her, I need to apologize. After tonight, it's like I'm one step further from the plan.

Right now, all I want, against all the better judgment I should have, is to know if Emma is ok, but I know there's nothing I can do about it.

Too much for not meaning anything to you, huh?

I tell myself, knowing that this is a complete disaster.

The night pretty much ended after that and everyone went home, even if I know they will be gossiping about what happened the entire week. I'm pretty used to people talking about me around here, but the thought of them talking about me and Emma is not cool.

Madeleine didn't talk to me the rest of the night and I know she's pissed because she also thinks I should apologize to Hannah or something, but I don't care.

I'm not the apolozing type of guy.

I drive home and when I get to my apartment, I lie down on the couch, only capable of thinking about one thing.

Or one person in this case.

Emma.

I need to get this girl out of my mind and do what I have to do.