Unadulterated (RoyEd)

Reminisce

The general was someone I secretly looked up to. I'd never admit that I liked the bastard. We had a mutual "hatred". He'd tease me about my height, while I'd mock him for being useless in the rain. It was playful banter like that which made his lectures and wild-goose chases worth it in the end, though I needed those leads desperately.

He made everything more bearable. I've gotten some of my best advice from the general. He loved to run his mouth off, but it's those few occasions when his damn blabber mouth would be so useful that it helps me back up. And to think he was just a useless colonel. Turns out he's more useful than I thought.

His damn womanizing habits. My belly aches when I think about it. Sure he isn't really a womanizer - it's just the way he writes his notes perceiving him to be so - but he still sleeps around a bit. Usually when it's a rainy day. He says that when it rains he sleeps with someone else so he feels useful. Disgusting, yet understandable. I wonder what the general is like in bed. Is he gentle? Is he rough? Does it depend on the person? Suddenly I wish he weren't straight.

Speaking of which, I actually don't know for sure if he is straight. He talks about miniskirts on females, sleeps with females, have eyes for females. Then again, I've heard rumors about him with Hughes during their military training days. As well as Jean had hooked up with him before. Again, those are rumors, but I want to believe they're true. At least let him like both. That'd be a relief. Even if I can't see him again.

He's cocky as hell. He flaunts everything. His alchemy, his military skills, his charm that he supposedly claims to have. He was so cocky as to challenge me in an alchemy battle. Though it ended in a tie - due to property damage, might I add - I still thought his skills were no match for me. He's definitely a winner, now that I can't even do alchemy anymore. His alchemy really was advanced. No wonder he got into the military. With skills like that it's understandable why that slacker hasn't been fired.

Roy's family remains a mystery to me. Lemme rephrase that. His background remains a mystery. Now that I think about it, I really don't know the general as well as I thought I did. I know he was born in Central, but he has more than that in him, that's for sure. I'm not sure what other parts of Amestris he's from. I don't know his family. Does he even have family? Who were his friends in the past? What was his education like? Did he do well in school? How can I say I've grown a liking to this man when I barely know him? Is that a standard one has to meet in order to like someone? Do I have to know every little detail about him to like him?

Love is confusing. I've heard many people say they admire me. Is that the same as love? Is my admiration of the general even love at all? Or do I just look up to him? Is it only lust I feel for him, considering I wouldn't mind sleeping with him? I don't hate him, right? He's tolerable to say the least, but is toleration love? What even is love to begin with? What's the difference between any of those? Admiration, toleration, lust. Which one really is the way I feel? How do I feel about the general? It's too confusing for me to wrap my mind around. How? Shouldn't I be a genius? My feelings are going to be the end of my intelligence. I know so much, yet I'm still oblivious to the obvious. I'm still a child, aren't I?

The general really is a great soldier. He's been through so much hell just to get to the position he's in now. I eventually found out that he was the one who killed Winry's parents. Sure I was mad at first, but then I quickly remembered that those were just the orders he had to follow. If he wants to make this country better, then he has to fight through all that trivial shit.

Everyone has their doubts and their hard times. Roy almost killed himself during that war. It's bad to think this, but sometimes I wish he had pulled the trigger. Without a demanding officer like him, I would've followed him right along. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. This longing feeling. I can feel it in my chest and stomach. It aches. Every moment I think about that bastard, it aches. Because I know I won't ever see him again. I know I won't get to talk to him. I know I can't do a single damn thing with him. We can't make more memories together. We can't be in love together. We can't be together. That sucks. That really fucking sucks.

Please don't tell me you've forgotten me. I can't bear the thought of you forgetting me. Please. Just endure this pain with me. Don't move on too fast. Let me bother you some more. Just this once, let me be a burden to you. You always said I was never a burden to you, right? Then please. Let me burden you just this once. You can forgive me for the pain, right? General Mustang, are you suffering just as much as I am?