The Social Reality

A Little More Us

I lay sprawled across my bed, wondering dully when the pain would subside. I thought of jack, and wondered if he was thinking about me. We would never see each other again, but the thoughts simply wouldn't register in my brain. It was too full of denial.

However upset I was,

However incredibly upset I was, I simply refused to give up on my dream for college. I'd worked my hardest in school for 18 years of my life, and Harvard was finally within my reach. With my amazing GPA of 4.0 and me finishing high school in 2 years, Harvard was in the very near future. Sadly, even with my boyfriend's dreams of playing football at TCU, I realized my grades were more important than my perfect love life.

My phone buzzed on the edge of the bed near my feet.

"Future Hubby!!😍😍"

Ugh.

"I love you. We'll be okay, right?"

I gazed until the words weren't words anymore. No matter what any book said, I knew I couldn't force my fingers to text "okay" back. I couldn't help but think there was no possible way we could be ok. Not with our situation.

The thing is, everyone knows long distance never works. Maybe in the movies, but in reality, we might as well train a lion. It'd probably work better anyway. He dreamed of going to TCU, and I loved him too much to take away his dreams. But honestly, I refused to give up all my hard work for a relationship... even if it was admittedly amazing. Oh, lord help me with this decision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pulled myself together and haphazardly threw my backpack together, trudging through the shag carpet lining my bedroom floor. This morning was unusually dark. It was a sign, I guess, of my current depression.

After a silent car ride via my father, I arrived at the crappy hellhole also known as Cait Court High. If it weren't for my situation I would be excited for my last semester.

I threw small smiles at my non-irritating classmates and mustered up enough happiness to stand straighter. My posture was surprisingly good for a high-schooler, and I wasn't about to throw away my lasting back.

Ducking around the strict teachers, I stealthily arrived at my locker without getting spotted by my oncoming problem: Jack. The last thing I needed today was to have to smile guiltily back at him as he came to my locker. It'd probably be the breaking point, and I'd cry a Red Sea through the hallway.

I am such a terrible, selfish person.

"Is this some kind of new fashion statement?" I could hear the corner of his mouth turning up in a smile.

Jack always smiled with the corner of his lips.

Crap.

Jack.

I spun around a little too quickly and dropped my calc book/boulder on my toes.

I smiled painfully back at him. At least I have another reason to smile with pain -other than the upcoming breakup- now that my toe is throbbing. He gathered up the book into his very tan arms.

Oh god, they were tan and beautiful, I thought right before I caught myself.

He repeated his question, "Starting a new trend, Erin?" It dawned on me that he was talking about my shirt, which was, of course, backwards. I wanted to tell him.

Tell him how I was so distracted by him.

Tell him how sorry I was.

Instead. I simply ducked my arms into my sleeves and spun the rugged material around. Jack laughed, and I tried to look deeper into his soul, to find a pleasant way of breaking up that wouldn't hurt his feelings. But I knew there was no such thing as a painless breakup. He looked a little sad, though. His sudden sadness was extremely alarming.

This was it. He had figured out that I was breaking up with him and was devastated behind a faux smile.

Questions swarmed me like hornets, (which I was very allergic to by the way.)

What if he knows about my plan to break up with him?

What if he breaks up with me?

That'd be nice, actually, then maybe I wouldn't have to be responsible for someone else's pain.

I swallowed. "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." I mustered, with as much emotion as I could put in a sentence.

I really am sorry Jack.

I love you.

He looked down at me sadly. This was it, I thought.

I took a long gaze at his perfect form. His wavy golden blonde hair framed his face in a way that shouldn't have been possible. His purple shirt brought out his California brown eyes. My little California boy.

Goodbye, my love.

Goodbye my little California boy.

Wait... was that a flicker of happiness!?

His eyes lit up with so much light it almost blinded me. "I got into tcu! We have to celebrate with dinner!" He had been faking being sad, not the other way around. The alleviation in his voice caused my over-active tear ducts to start filling with water. This was my coping mechanism, I guess. Crying was my coping mechanism. Ha, very brave, Erin, I thought to myself.

He took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes.

"I haven't told my parents, and I want you to be with me when I tell them." He sounded so sincere. Why did he have to be so sincere, so perfectly sincere? I told myself it would be alright. I wasn't going to lose Jack, because he was the best boyfriend I would ever have the pleasure of loving.

With a hardened resolve, I made a decision that would change my life...and perhaps his.

I would not lose Jack Landry.

I would not lose my little California boy.