Unadulterated (RoyEd)

The Aftermath

We had to risk everything just to be with one another. Our loved ones. Our homes. Our lives. I always ask myself if it's worth it or not. Then I look back at my now blossoming brother Alphonse, and those feelings dissipate. We've been in Germany for two years now. We've both been busy at work to make sure nothing from our side comes over here. It's hard to believe I'm 20 years old. It feels like nothing has changed at all.

I'm surprised that Alphonse is okay with this new lifestyle. He'd see the familiar faces like I had before. I'd see that same bittersweet look in his eye that I'm sure I had when I encountered these faces. It's nostalgic to say the least, yet leaves that slight twinge of pain. Everyday I wonder how everyone else is doing in Amestris without us. My worry hits me when I start thinking they might have forgotten us. I never gave Winry a proper goodbye. She was always by my side. She helped me get this far. Riza was like a mother to us. It was always great to see her putting that bastard General in his place when he acts us. The general... of all people I hope he hasn't forgotten me.

As much as I was constantly annoyed by his remarks and how he loved getting my way, I still appreciate him and everything he's done for us. Even when the leads were failures, Al and I still somehow got closer to our goal in the end. He even helped close the portal on his side so as to keep our worlds separated. I don't think I'll ever forget that day. The look in Mustang's eyes. He was hopeful. He felt this huge weight fall off his shoulders upon my arrival back to Central. He must've been waiting for me to come back. I took that away from him. The last thing I saw in my world was not my brother's face. It was Roy's. It was a look I'd never seen before. He knew what I had to do. He knew he couldn't stop me. But I could tell he wanted to. He was holding himself back. That face was resistance. A look that does not suit the general.

Speaking of the general, of all my years in being in Germany, I hadn't seen that world Roy. I've seen Hughes, Gracia and even Bradley. I lived with Alphonse. That must mean Roy is here too. Their parallels are very different from what I'm used to. I almost miss Hughes nagging my ear off about his wife and daughter. It's not like that here. They barely even know each other! They're almost strangers! It makes me think about what could possibly be different about the Roy here. Will he still be a soldier? Will he still look the same? Will he like me if we were to meet? Could we be something more?

If I'm being honest, I've never had sex once when I came here. I never really felt the need to. Not to mention there wasn't really anybody I was close enough to have sex with. Although I can't deny that I did think about when I was younger. Although that's just a natural part of puberty and being a teenager, you know? Hormones and all that. Maybe it's just weird that when I thought about sex, I also thought about Roy. Yeah, it's weird, I know. A 15 year old wanting to get it on with a 29 year old. I knew it'd never happen because 1. He's older than me and that'd be illegal and 2. I thought that bastard was with the lieutenant. Turns out they never became a thing. I thought for sure they would have. I could taken a chance and tried to be something more with him, but I guess I didn't want to deal with rejection of top of all the other shit I was going through.

Anyways, if I could one day meet the Roy that's in Germany, I'd sleep with him. No matter the circumstances. But for now, I guess I'll just have to do with the people at the bar to get any sort of pleasure. It is getting boring after all. Sitting around at home with Al doing basically nothing. I grab my coat and slip it one, tying up my hair in a ponytail. I then leave my room, seeing Al in the living room reading some sort of book.

"Al. I'll be out for a while. I don't know when I'll be back, but it'll probably be pretty late. So don't be surprised." He looks over at me, closing his book and setting it aside.

"What'll you be doing that requires you to be out so late, brother?" What an innocent mind. It's weird to think he isn't an adult like me. He apparently came back as a 10 year old and only remembered what happened that night when we attempted human transmutation. Our age gap is weird now. I wish I could explain to him what I'm doing, but I don't want to corrupt him or anything like that.

"Just a bit of business. Don't worry about it. I've grown out of that reckless phase." Al rolled his eyes and let out a small chuckle.

"I don't think I believe that, brother." He said jokingly. I enjoyed our playful banter we had occasionally. It really does feel like nothing has changed.

"Fine, fine. Maybe I haven't, but I'll still be careful." I responded, then left the house to walk to the bar.

Sex isn't something that I'm not really embarrassed to talk or think about. I don't have much of an opinion on it either, since no one ever really taught us about that kind of thing. When I think of sex, I just think about how it brings a child. At least before I met Mustang. When he talks about it, he talks about how great he feels afterwards. He wasn't exactly a womanizer, but he did sleep around a bit. He said that it was a means of escape. That he'd be so lost in the pleasure that he'd forget about his worries. I was young when I heard that, so of course I was embarrassed, yet also curious as to what he meant. I guess tonight I'll really know what he meant.

I make it to the bar, ordering a glass of bourbon, then drank from it. This is what adults do. I've never really noticed I was an adult until this very moment. Leaving the house to drink and have a one night stand. That's what adults do, right? They have freedom, right? This is freedom, right?