The Wolf

Ch. 36: It's Always Been You

My eyes are moist as I let his words sink in. Even though I haven't told Luca my entire backstory either, he's still willing to help me. I sigh, feeling melancholic. Luca deserves better than me. I close the spell book with a thud, setting it on my nightstand. I lock my bedroom door before skulking to the bathroom.

Inside the bathroom lies the broken mirror. I still haven't gotten around to cleaning it up yet. That's why I refuse to let Luca use my bathroom. If he sees the shattered glass, he might get worried. Ignoring the glass, for now, I open a drawer just beneath the sink. Inside there are two metal bands. Made of silver. They burn slightly to the touch.

I don't acknowledge the pain as I slip them onto my wrist one by one, making me cringe. The sensation is not as bad as it would be for another wolf, considering I wore a silver necklace for so long and I'm a druid, but it's still uncomfortable. After the bands are secured, I stand in front of the sink, looking down at the shards of glass. I spot a decently sized one and grasp it. It knicks my fingers as I hold it tightly in my hand.

I push aside the shower curtain and sit inside the bathtub after removing my pants. My breath is shaky as I bring the glass to my thigh. Carefully, I cut the pale flesh, gasping as I do so. It hurts, but it's not like it's my first time doing this. As crimson blood trickles from the wound, it's as though all the nerves in my body have rushed to this one spot to let me know I'm injured. Even my own body is confused as to why I'm doing this.

I lay the shard of glass down. I place both of my hands over the wound and whisper the word of healing. Sana. The flesh begins to knit itself back together, feeling like fire as it does so. left behind is a pale, tight scar. Not good enough.

I repeat the process, slicing the flesh on my thighs and then healing. Eventually, I'm drained. Of both blood and magic. My head feels fuzzy and I lay back in the bathtub. The blood on my legs has dried, while some blood still travels toward the drain slowly.

I'm not doing this for my pleasure. I'm not doing this because I'm depressed. I'm doing this because I don't want to be the weak link anymore. If we're injured on this trip, I need to make sure that something like in my dream never happens. If I need to sacrifice my own body and comfort to ensure that my friends will live, then so be it. Even if I know this way of going about it is wrong. If Luca knew he'd be disappointed. After all, I've been at this for 2 days by now.

~*~*~*~

"Hey, Nico, you seem a bit pale," Dom says over breakfast the next morning.

My eyes snap up. "Well, it is the morning after all. Plus I've always been pale, Dom." I shove the eggs on my plate into my mouth.

"Even so, it looks worse than usual," He adds worriedly.

Luca eyes me from his spot at the table, looking for what Dom said. He nods as well. "Maybe the druid training, school, and werewolf training isn't such a good idea..."

I laugh brittly. "I'm telling you guys, you worry too much. I'll be fine. It's winter vacation in three days anyway, there's no reason to stop now."

Luca appraises me and sighs. "Well, if you want. But if it all gets to be too much, promise me you'll let me know."

I melt at the sight of his puppy dog eyes and give him a sincere smile. Even if I'm lying just a little bit, I promise I won't take it overboard. I squeeze his hand as a promise.

"Good, now let's head to school." Luca pushes back from his seat and I follow suit.

I may be exhausted from my mix of school, training, and... conditioning, but it's what it takes. Today too will be a repeat of yesterday.