Foreign

Chapter One

I felt as lost at the airport, as I felt in the actual plane. Lost and lonely when I walked through the 27th gate and insecure and overwhelmed when I entered the plane. But nobody noticed that, or at least I hope nobody did. This was supposed to be my fresh start. My new life. Sounds kind of like a cliche but I was being serious. As serious as one could be. How is it possible that nobody feels bothered by the fact that they're not the ones deciding what their life should be like. I couldn't understand it. Couldn't accept it. Not in my life that's so short and delicate. As much as I knew I only had this single one. How could I possibly throw that away. It was way too precious for me to accept that. No. I had to leave this place, but I couldn't tell you why. I never knew why I had this sudden urge to take the next plane, what made me think that it would change everything for the better. But I felt it so strongly that I trusted it. And therefore I've decided to leave. Now in the plane I don't feel the urge as much. I rather feel dumb and way too spontaneous, but now that this plane started I can't change anything. But maybe thats good? Leaving my home and therefore my comfort zone could possibly turn me into a more self assured human being. But if I'd be true to myself, I would know that this ain't the case. Leaving my comfort zone always stresses me out. It's due to my upbringing, I was never taught to stand up for myself. I had to learn it the hard way. Once you're on the bottom of society you have to work really hard to be accepted as equal and reach the top, or even just the middle. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't being good enough, strong enough or beautiful enough and I now know thats not true, but society doesn't understand that. Or at least not the people from my hometown, my community. People that should've encouraged me when I wanted to do something and should've protected me from the darkness. Sometimes I wish everything would be different. Life would be different, people would be different and culture would be different. But that wasn't to be changed. Therefore I left.

 The plane was crowded, loud and shaking every now and then. I hated flying. But I loved clouds. My window seat in the back row was perfect to be socially awkward without everybody noticing and I therefore decided to grab my backpack and search for my watercolour pencils and my brushes to paint what I saw on the paper I've already placed on my lap. It calmed me down to be in my painting zone. As I painted the clouds I noticed that it wasn't unnoticed by the guy sitting next to me. He observed my every move seemingly interested in what I was doing. I decided to ignore is glare and painted more until I hesitated. Did he just chuckle? I didn't want to look at him, not after he stared bluntly at me for the entire time of me painting, but I couldn't resist. He smirked, obviously due to my expression. How outrageous. I was insecure about my surroundings, freakingly high in the sky and on my way to a destination I've never visited before in my life, and he had the courage to smirk at me?! Okay maybe I exaggerated a little bit, cause how could he know all of that? He couldn't, but did he really have to chuckle because I decided to paint while flying with an airplane? No, obviously not. Defensive as I was I decided to take control of the situation as soon as possible. "So you find what I'm doing funny, tell me why." I bluntly said while staring im right into the eyes. I've learned that that intimidated people, which was exactly what I wanted right now. He seemed to be taken aback, but recovered faster than I thought he would. "Oh, I don't find what you're doing funny, I find you funny" He said staring right back at me, which I found incredibly rude. How dare he not being intimidated. I instantly liked him.