The dankest D-class alive (reader x scp foundation)

prologue

"(Yawwwwwwn) Objection your honer, his opinion on the matter is irrelevant. He wasn't even in the mens/womens bathroom in the first place. I suggest we-"

"SILENCE" echocoed the judge. The air fell deathly still. Not a squek, screech or reeeeeeeeee, just silence.

A short sight could be heard escapeing her now horse throat. She probably had a long day, lots of dumb fucks now a days getting in trouble. Almost makes you feell sorry for them...

Nahhhh, bitch had it comin.

"I agreee with my cous- I m-mean the witnesses statement on this one. 2 years for miss/mr y/n in Arkham Asylum.(Bang bang).sorry bud but I can't leave my husband hangin" the judge boomed as she cleared her throat once more before slummping back into her seat.

By now it was all over, even my lawer had given up and was now sleeping on his desk. Fuck. Whats going to happen to your cats/dogs at home? If they go to PETA they are as good as dead! You are NOT going to spend your glory years in prison trying not to drop the soap while getting tons of tattoos. If your going to go to the slammer, may as well do some real carnage.

After a moment of thinking you knew what you had to do. Times would have probably been so much different if you had not of planned such a hanus act, but deep down you knew it was the appropriate thing to do. You stand up and walk over to the unlawful lawyer, proceeding to slap him awake. He wont want to miss this. With a face of cerenaty you stand on his desk, gazeing apon all of the innocent suvvilions.

The cort was silent.

The judge was silent.

The hillbilly was silent.

That one dog licking its balls was silent.... ly licking its balls.

Karen and her unvaxinated kid was silent (most probably dead)

Basicly everyone was fucking silent.

You turn to face your lawer, a small smile grew across his face as if aproveing the upcoming actions. Takeing a deep breath you lift up your arms. This is it. This is your legacy and how you will be remembered. Opening your mouth you utter...

"YEET" you proudly roared as you dab on the cort.

Le gasp.
Le cringe
Le- we get it!

Your lawer burst into laughter as the court went mental. And when I say mentel, I mean the court somehow cort on FIRE and everything is screaming. Oh god why is it screaming. The once calm atmosphere has now gone to shit, literally the dog is takeing a shit. Who da fuck is going to clean that crap? The janitor?

Karen and her kid were now the only one still not moveing, probably cause her fat ass is unable to move but I digress. Her cheeks puffed up as she started screaming, not at you, but at the judge herself. She does know that this bitch could take away her sweet sweet child support money if she pleases right?

"WhY tHe FuCk DiD yOu LeT ThEm Do DaT!!! lEt Me SpEaK tO yOuR mAnAgEr" the wild karen spoke as she tugged at her sons arm, urging him to start haveing a hissy fit.

"Miss please carm down or we'll have to call the remining conscious security gaurds to escor-"

"BiTcH i HoPe ThE fUcK yOu D-" karen was cut of as the judge lunged for the 9000 pound karen. Not gonna lie, this was and still is the best part of the flashback. It was like watching 2 humpback Wales fighting it out for a snickers bar. While all this was happening, little Jimmy just picked his nose as all hell broke loose in the background.

Not even 5 minutes later~

As the fire grew higher most of the people had either left or died. The pure smell of burnt flesh filled the air as a sigh of relief escaped your oh so cold mouth. You move towards your desk, sitting down on the goat chair. Tiredly, you looked back at your lawer, passed out due to smoke (or laughter). Its Just him sitting there, his chest slowly puffing up and down and up and down-

"Miss/Mr y/n. Your under arrest for arsanry, public indecency and manslaughter. You have two choices, stay here and get caught by the local police and get sent to deathrow..." called a voice

"or you can come with me. Do I make myself clear?"A tall man in black called from behind

Startled, you slip out your chair hitting the floor momenterally before standing back up. Your mind suddenly was hit with the realisation of the situation. The cort was on FIRE, how the fuck did you only care now! Mayby all the smoke filling your lungs was the first indicator but who gives a rats butt.

'How the fuck did this dude get here' you thought as the adrenaline started to hit. You could either go with the guy that clearly knows what hes doing....... or you could make a run for it, potentially dieing a horrific (yet entertaining) death. Being the cunt that you are yoh deside to make a runner.

The man curiously did nothing to stop you , he just stared as you ran across the room. Almost at the door you reach out my hand to grab the handle, knowing that sweet freedom was just at the other side. But karma as you know is an ultimate thot that allways catches you in the end, in one way or another.

You tripped on your sketcher shoelace, faceplantimg the wooden floor with a 00F. You lay there motionless. With smoke filling your lungs you reached out towards the door, a glimmer of hope still burning inside of you. Your hope was short lived as your fingers were met with big black boots. Its was all over.

The fire consumed the door leaveing nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. It was just you and the man. With my eyes fadeing to darkness, you utter your final word before drifting into darkness.

"Fine"

~End of le flashback~

(Hello my fellow viewers of wattpad, glad to see you somehow stummbled across my little story. I was not expecting to write anything as I just made an accont to make shitty comments. vote this story or write a funny comment if you please. I might not update if this proves to be a waste of time but hey, anything can happen~♡)

Ps: what are you guys haveing for dinner, im curious.