Wanderlust (Kellic)

Chapter 18

I want to ask what he means by “the thing that he did”, but instead I decide to focus on the matter at hand. “Why would he leave without telling anyone where he was going?”

"It’s probably nothing. Could’ve gone for a morning walk or something. He does that sometimes." He stands up. "Did he leave a note anywhere?"

I shake my head. “Didn’t see one. And he didn’t text me or anything, either.”

"Hold on, let me check my phone. Maybe he texted me." He grabs it off the coffee table and turns it on. "Aha. He did."

"What’s it say?"

“‘C wanted me to bring him something,’” he reads. “‘Be back soon.’”

"What does ‘C’ stand for?" I ask, though I think I already know.

Jaime scowls. “Craig.”

I feel a pain in my chest at the sound of that name. “What did—why would he…?”

"Craig always treated Vic like his slave when they were together," Jaime explains, sounding a bit angry. "Looks like old habits die hard. We must’ve had something here that he wanted—booze, I’m guessing, since that happened a lot—and so he asked Vic to bring it to him."

"That fucking bastard," I say, clenching my fists. How dare he treat Vic that way? And how dare Vic let him? "Where does Craig live?"

"He’s right in the neighborhood." With that, he gives me the directions to Craig’s house, and then I’m running out the door with him calling after me, "You go, Kells. Go smack some sense into that boyfriend of yours. Please."

I decide to walk there instead of taking a car. I make my way quickly through the streets of the neighborhood, growing more and more upset with every second that passes. They could be doing anything right now. What if Vic forgets about me? What if he decides he doesn’t care about me anymore?

I slow down when I’m a few houses away from Craig’s, mostly because I need to catch my breath from the sprinting and also to prepare myself. I don’t know what I’m preparing myself for, exactly, but I prepare myself nonetheless.

Finally, I get up the courage to take those last steps toward the house, and when I get there…well, at least they’re not kissing this time.

They’re hanging out on the front porch step, Craig with a bottle of booze in one hand—Jaime must’ve been right. They’re talking and laughing, Vic flashing Craig that beautiful signature smile, and Craig just eats it all up without seeming to appreciate any of it. There’s nothing outwardly romantic about it at all, but I still feel betrayed because of their history and what happened the other night.

"Vic," I say, cringing inwardly at the way my voice cracks ever-so-slightly. "What are you…?"

Vic looks up immediately, jumping to his feet. “Kellin!”

But suddenly, I don’t want to be anywhere near him. I turn around and start to run away from him, hating the pain in my chest.

"Kells," Vic repeats once he catches up with me and forces me to slow down. "Please."

I bite my lip at the sound of my nickname. “Please what?” I snap, not meaning for it to come out sounding as harsh as it does.

"Just let me explain."

I storm past him, an image of Craig kissing him flashing through my mind. “Why, Vic?” I call back. “Why are you doing this? Is it really that fucking hard to stay away from him?”

Deep down, I know that I might just be being an irrational, jealous boyfriend. But I’m scared. I’m scared of losing him. I’m scared of letting Craig reel him right back in again. I don’t want that to happen. I just want everything to be okay.

"Kellin…" Vic calls after me. I keep going and force myself not to look back.

What happens when I leave? I wonder as I run back the way I came. If I’m not here, Vic could forget about me. I mean, sure, we could text and video-chat, but without the real me here, who’s to say he won’t want someone he can touch or kiss? Who’s to say he’ll be fine with the distance and won’t search for someone else?

Who’s to say he won’t find that “someone else” in Craig?

So, with my stupid hurt feelings and my paranoid thoughts, I make my way back to the house. I don’t know if Vic’s following me; I can’t see him behind me, and I haven’t heard his voice, so I guess not.

When I get back, Jaime must realize immediately that something is wrong, because he says, “What happened?”

And that’s when I realize that nothing happened in particular. It was just me freaking out at the sight of Vic with Craig. It was just my emotions getting in the way of everything.

It didn’t used to be this way, back when my life was boring and mundane. I didn’t have anything to get emotional over (except Supernatural). Now that I think about it, maybe it was better that way.

—

The rest of the day is a series of events in which Vic tries to talk to me and I ignore him. I end up going out for a walk—twice—just as an excuse to get away from him. I know I’m going to have to face him eventually, but I don’t want to.

Vic corners me when I’m out on the wooden bench swing on the front porch, watching the sun set. I stand up, but he takes me by the wrist and sits down on the swing. I sigh and sit back down next to him.

"Okay, okay," I say. "You caught me."

He just looks at me. “Kellin, I…”

"Vic, you’ve gotta choose," I interrupt.

He narrows his eyes. “What?”

"You’ve gotta choose," I repeat. "Between me and Craig. I don’t want to play this game with you. I don’t want you to tell me that you…that you love me…and then go back to your old ex like nothing’s wrong. I know how much he lures you in. I don’t want to lose you.”

Vic just keeps looking at me, and I can see the pain in his eyes. “Kellin, baby,” he starts, but he can’t seem to find a way to finish it.

"Please," I say. "I told you, I want all of you. I don’t want some other part of you to belong to Craig. I’m not sharing."

He nods, but before he can say anything, I add, “Don’t decide right now.”

He narrows his eyes. “Why not?”

"Because," I explain, hating myself for not taking him back immediately but knowing that it needs to be done this way. "I want you to think about it. Really think about it. I want you to know for sure that you want me to be yours, and only yours.”

He nods again. “Then I’ll think about it.”

As he stands up and heads back inside, I almost want to reach out and pull him back. I almost want to kiss him and forget about everything. But I have to wait. I have to be sure that this won’t happen again.

I stay out there for a long time. I’m not sure how long; all I know is that by now the sun has completely gone down, the air has gotten a bit cooler, and the dark sky is now speckled with stars. It’s around this time that Vic comes outside again.

"I thought about it," he says, and I try not to show the way my heart speeds up. Those words are what cause everything to hit me all at once: He might be breaking up with me. That’s the price I might have to pay if he decides he doesn’t want me as much as he wants Craig.

"And…?" I ask, taking a deep breath, waiting for him to tell me that it’s not going to work out.

He sits down next to me. “And I’ve decided that I want someone who’s loyal.”

I narrow my eyes. “What do you mean?”

"Craig isn’t loyal." He leans forward, tilting my head up slightly. "But you are. And I want to be more like you."

Hope blooms in my chest. “Are you saying…?”

He smiles. “Darling, it’s only you and me. I’m gonna be loyal, too.”

Then he closes the distance and gives me a kiss—soft, slow, sweet, mine.