My dramatic life

My first

My first year at my new high school was horrific, i thought it was going to be this place where there was a clean start for me, stupid me believed it to. But in reality all those secrets, embarrassing moments and every dirty rumour followed me from my past schools. While growing up my mum used to say to me sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me, in one way it's right but in another it's a load of shit, yes names don't actually physically hurt you, but when everyday u get called a slut a whore a bitch or when they say that your fat or that your ugly, it eventually gets to you and that's when self harm gets introduced to your life. But I'm not here to make this depressing I'm here to tell you how I survived well how I'm surviving. Yes I'm just like you well at least I think I am, I'm a guy who is kinda linked with everyone, I think that's what they call me a social butterfly. It's not always easy being like this either it's a struggle the switch between friend groups and the constant "rivalry" between people. Despite all this awkwardness I still manage to survive, and it's not just all the friend problems I have it's also the "bullying" from my teachers, and I don't mean bullying like contact wise but singling out of an individual that irritates me. It's not just for a fair call like being half an hour late for class, but for instance wearing the wrong school top, It's just all aggravating and uncalled for. Teachers think that they get it but in reality they have no fucking clue, they say that in there time it was harder. In some aspects I get it yes there punishments were curler, but the stuff that goes down now they don't know about. They say it's all good and they can help but in reality it hurts to talk about it, they say that seeking help is the better option in my opinion it's a load of crap. They teachers don't listen at all, actually I was sitting in math class the other week and my teacher asked us what seventy two divided three was, I replied with 24, in disgust she said "no way, don't be stupid". I double check my math and come up with the same result, while I do this she asks the next kid and he says "twenty six". She yells out "yes you are correct". But that's not all I still have a few questions for you, why do our past still follow us past?, Are we to forever be haunted by our demons?, why won't the demons just stay where they belong?. Because life isn't perfect and if it was it would be horrifyingly boring. So far I'm in my second week and people are still wanting me to be the same person from my old school, but what if I don't want to, what if I had the audacity to change who I am, what if I want that person to just vanish?. Then what happens do people constantly keep bugging me because I'm not who they want me to be. It's all debaffling and we all get caught up in this "playground" drama and for those who are trying to mature and advance ourselves we get held back. I don't know if your the same as me but I'm a mixer, I jump from group to group, sometimes I'm a musician then other times I'm a class clown. Another thing that strikes is depression, this week alone I have cried 7 times in class. I honestly don't know what's worse, the thoughts that go through my head or that none of my friends help me or ask if I'm ok. It doesn't help that only at the start of this year my home problems have effected my school work, all through primary school I have been able to hide it but now there finally showing. But I think I'll get through it if I try, " I think little by little I will solve my problems ad learn how to survive"- Freda Kahlo