Ignite ─ Ben Hardy

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN ━ BLEEDING LOVE

Shanessa allowed herself to think that this was mostly her fault for being the one who did not stop even after discovering that the person on Bumble was Ben, she acted impulsively, thinking that her feelings were genuine. The woman used to ponder that they were making progress and that he would fall for her if they kept on talking on a daily basis, but abruptly she grew afraid for her to sense that her feelings were nothing but a spur of the moment.

However then, Shanessa realized she did like Ben, but that was all it would ever be, like.

"Is there anything that can fix us?"

Ben's question was greeted by heavy silence for a few minutes before Shanessa sighed, pulling her coat tighter. "Even if there is, are you sure it will be the same as before?"

An endless sheet of thoughts deluged him, worsening his mood which assumed that this was the end of them. Even though he knew Shanessa's words had a point, Ben did not want to admit it out loud because he still wished something could happen and their relationship reverted back to the way it used to be.

"Why didn't you tell me from the start?" Ben's tone vividly held frustration and vexation, she could feel that he was trying not to lash out on her all at once. "If I knew, it would prevent you from going through heartbreak over and over."

Ben's words meant no harm or to pique herself, but Shanessa could not deem anything other than his statement was a pitying motion for her hopeless romantic self. On reflex, it invited a numerous of wrath to recess within her as she glared at him. "Well, the reason is this. You feel sorry for me and try to fix what has been broken. Trust me, it's no use, I'm fine without you preventing it all."

"Are you really though?" Ben snarled. "Don't pretend like all of that didn't mean anything to you. I was there, I saw the way you looked at me."

"Yet you did nothing," Shanessa sneered, tearing her attention away from him. "Don't waste your time suddenly proclaiming that you also have the same feeling as me, Ben, because I don't think I need it anymore. But, I owe you an apology. I'm truly sorry for covering all this from you, keeping you in the dark for so long, lying to you. I thought it was for the best, tossing aside my own feelings for friendship, but turns out I was still wrong, and for that, I apologized."

"Are we—?" Ben shook his head in defeat, running a hand through his golden hair. "God, it's pathetic really, how much I still hope it's you and me in the end."

A ghost of a weak smile appeared on Shanessa's lips before she stood up. Truthfully, she couldn't find herself linger around him for long for she was still worried that he still got the leverage to change her mind. Shanessa was the type of a faithful person, that was why she didn't want to hurt Eugene by letting Ben influence her to gopher her former feelings.

"Please don't hold onto me." Shanessa nibbled her bottom lip, rummaging her bag and pulling out a classy, beautiful invitation card. "Please promise me that you will love Bethany the way she deserves to be loved and that you will let me go."

Ben stood up as well in silence and neared herself, his eyes locked with the wedding invitation on her hand. He didn't take it, to his defense, it seemed like something life-threatening. There was a crack in his heart, knowing the invitation was the one that created more labefaction in their relationship. "Why do I have to let you go?"

"Because," Shanessa breathed, grabbing his hand herself as she placed the card upon his palm. "I think I am more than just an option."

"Nessa—"

"I think I deserve to be someone's top priority, to be someone's one and only." Her legs were quite throbbing against the pretension to dash out from the scenery, this felt wrong, meeting Ben without telling Eugene first. The distance between them was dangerously on deck to the point she could feel his breath hitting her face. Take a step backward. Flustered, Shanessa did what her mind told her to do while she ignored his intense gaze. "Admit it, Ben, if you didn't know the truth, would you see me more than just a friend? Would you consider liking me back? I'm sorry, but you're too late. I have moved on—just think of doing the same thing, Ben."

The time stilled and the murkiness of the night led them to founder deeper into a sentimental fettle, Ben plainly settled his meaningful gaze on her as his jaws twitched, his forrest green eyes were a little runny. Shanessa couldn't comprehend his expression, was it hurt, dumps or dejection, whatever it was she didn't want to care about it anymore. This was their last rendezvous before she got married, at least they had to draw the curtain on everything civilly.

"Ben." The woman's voice was barely a whisper, but she convinced he could hear it considering how deserted the park was. "Let's just forget—"

And Shanessa hoped she should have fled earlier.

Why wasn't she? How foolish was she for not walking away sooner?

The wedding would be held within a month, yet Shanessa still allotted an opportunity for someone else's lips to perch on hers. Ben pressed his lips on her in a dire, distraught kiss, claiming it faster before she could even decipher what happened. But, she wasn't last year's Shanessa, instead of feeling something churning on her stomach, plenty of bile flared up in her soul causing her to instinctively push him away.

This wasn't a hallucination like Shanessa expected to be, his familiar taste of lips was still unnecessarily lingered on hers, bashing the fact that he indeed had just kissed her without permission. Again. And when Ben's facial feature contorted into bloated remorse and guilt, attempting to reach her which she reflexively swatted his hands away and stepped backward, the woman began to loathe him.

"Ness, I'm so so sorr—"

"No. Save your fucking sorry," Shanessa indignantly interrupted as she plundered the wedding invitation out of his grasp harshly. Her lips quivered in fury, disillusion, abhorrent—she could not even invent an apropos word to disgorge her feelings for him that night. "We're done here. Goodbye, Ben."

In the twinkling of an eye, a cold silence beleaguered Central Park formidably, and Ben decided there was nothing worse than the myriad of hatred Shanessa left behind for him.

✧

AUTHOR'S NOTE.
I'm officially soulless.
Yeah, Endgame was
the cause of it.
But hope you guys
enjoy this chapter!