Endless

Panic Attacks & Being Sure

When our call ended, I checked the time, and it was already nearly 6:00. Sage was still fast asleep, so I decided to lie beside him and sleep as well, just then realizing how tired I actually was. I fell asleep within moments of my head hitting the pillow.

**

*NINE DAYS LATER*

I woke to Tommy shaking me gently, and though I was nearly positive he'd spoken, I had not a clue what he'd said.

"What?" I mumbled, voice raspy from disuse.

"I said I have to run out to the mall. I was going to ask you guys if you wanted to come, but you're both still knocked out," he stated with a small chuckle. I nodded absentmindedly and he headed out.

I tried to go back to sleep but failed, eventually deciding to head to the grocery store and buy some food for Tommy's house, wanting to pay him back somehow for having us so long. I took a quick shower, then pulled on a black t-shirt and shorts with Sage's black slides. I scribbled out a quick note letting Sage know where I was going before grabbing my phone, keys and wallet and heading out.

I drove through the familiar town, almost feeling nostalgic, which was a first for this trip. This was my first time being out on my own, and it felt oddly comfortable. Tommy and I had showed Sage around our hometown over the past week and a half, and we'd finally gotten Sage to feel the smallest bit better. He seemed to be moving forward, piece by piece. Baby steps.

Sage and I were leaving the following day; Tommy planned to drive us to the airport for our flight to Bora Bora, and there was a shipping company that was going to pick my car up from Tommy's house and return it to the university.

My thoughts slowly dissipated as I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store I frequented as a teenager, and I climbed out of my car and strolled into the building. I grabbed a cart and started looking around. I grabbed some fruit and water, along with lunch meat for sandwiches, surprised at the way things barely seemed to change at all. As my thoughts swayed through my mind, I stopped paying attention and rammed my cart into someone else's.

"Oh my God, I am so..." My breath caught in my throat as I met the eyes of the man and woman in front of me.

"Angel?" Lucinda squeaked, her eyes widened. Peter looked equally shocked, his mouth hanging open. I stopped breathing in that moment, the last conversation we'd had flashing through my mind. The things they'd said to me rang through my head, making whatever Lucinda -- a woman I used to call my mother -- said inaudible.

"Angel," Peter said, taking a step towards me, but I stumbled back quickly.

"Get away from me." His eyes flooded with hurt, though I couldn't bring myself to care. "Both of you. I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear from you. Ever." Lucinda's eyes filled with tears and I looked away quickly.

"Oh, my Angel," she whimpered out. I met her eyes again sharply.

"Your Angel?" A coarse laugh slipped from my lips. "I'm not your Angel. I'm not your son, I'm not your anything. I'm nothing, remember?" They flinched at the reminder of their cruel words. "You stay away from me." I backed away slowly, then spun around with no thought, leaving the store quickly. Sage and I can just go shopping tomorrow morning before we leave; we'll just have to leave a little earlier, I thought with a nod.

"Angel!" Peter called behind me, and I was suddenly running like my life depended on it. I ran until I got to my car, breathless with tears welling up in my eyes. I started the engine and sped out of the parking lot with a loud screech, no attention paid to how fast I was going.

When I returned to Tommy's, I went straight to the guest room, hoping Sage was still there. My bones ached with disappointment when I saw the empty bed, and I just stood there, emotions drowning out everything around me.

•

SAGE'S POV

I shut off the shower water and stepped out, drying off my body first, then my hair. When I was completely dry, I wrapped the towel around my waist and left the bathroom. I headed down the hall to the guest bedroom, opened the door, and was greeted by the sight of my boyfriend with his back to me, standing in the center of the room.

"Angel? I thought you were still at the store?" To my chagrin, he jumped a bit, turning towards me. My heart fell as the sight of his eyes, bloodshot and swollen from crying, before I could ask what was wrong, he collapsed in my arms, a sobbing mess. "Hey, hey, hey. Angel, hey, talk to me." He gasped in a breath of air, the release of it ragged and shallow. "Come on love, I need you to tell me what happened?" As he let out a heartbreaking cry, tears pricked the back of my eyes. He gazed up at me through sad eyes, and it hit me right in the chest, knocking the wind out of me.

"My... parents," he panted, clutching at my shirt.

"You saw your parents?" He nodded vigorously. "Where? At the store?" He nodded again, and as his quick breaths turned into hyperventilation, it quickly dawned on me that he was having a panic attack. He'd told me about them before, what happened to him when he was having them.

It just happens so fast, he'd said. Like I suddenly can't breathe and I don't know what to do with myself.

"Okay, baby, come on. I need you to breathe, please?" I was growing nervous as his breathing spiraled out of control, unsure of what to do. What do I do, what do I do, what do I do? Acting on instinct, I cupped his face, pulling him into me a swift motion, crashing our lips together. He didn't kiss back, just froze, his breathing gradually slowing down.

When I pulled away, he peered up at me with his big, sad brown eyes, and my heart ached as I gently swiped away another tear.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to--" He cut me off my tugging me back in, kissing me slowly. He met my eyes again when we parted, padding his thumb over the apple of my cheek.

"Thank you." I sighed softly, taking his hands in mine and pulling him towards the bed. He lay on my chest as my arm slipped around his waist, holding him close. He traced soft circles on my bare chest, goosebumps rising on my skin as his fingers glided over every dip and curve, like he was memorizing each pattern. When his hand stopped at the edge of my towel, I sucked in a sharp breath, not daring to move. "Sorry," he mumbled, glancing up at me.

"Don't be sorry." He suddenly turned over, resting his legs on each side of my waist. I stared at his eyes and with shaky hands, he lifted his shirt off over his head.

"Is this okay?" He asked. I nodded silently. He dipped down into my lips, holding my jaw gently. I deepened the kiss and rested my hands on his waist as he tugged on the towel. I rested my hands over his and he pulled back, soft eyes meeting mine.

"Are you sure?" He licked his lips and smiled, dragging his thumb across my bottom lip slowly.

"Sage, you are the only thing I'm absolutely sure of."