Shinigami Shuffle

Undead Bodyguard

"Chomei has about 1 week left!" Fu chirped.

"2 weeks left." Utakata said.

"About 5 or 6 days" Yugito said.

"3 weeks for Son Goku" Roshi said.

"About 6 weeks sir " Han said.

"2 months for Shukaku" Gaara said.

"About 7 weeks" Killer Bee said.

"7 or 8 weeks" Yagura said.

Konan was writing all this down in a notebook, "Alright, we are going to start hunting for you guys in a month."

Naruto grinned, "Sounds like this job is almost done, but be careful and don't let your guard down. Also, keep in mind that even if you escorted your demon to the other side and use the Akatsuki to die your job isn't done. You are to return in your reaper forms and assist those who are still waiting for their hibernations to finish. Understood?"

"Yes, General Naruto!"

"Good, that concludes this meeting. Your all dismissed." The monitors turned off and reverted back into a normal bathroom mirror.

A psychotic grin spread across Naruto's face, "Now, for some unfinished business." He pulled a flamethrower out of ... somewhere, and raced back to the pile of orange victims.

XXXXXXXXXX

That morning Naruto was walking up to the team seven training ground. He saw Sai and Sakura waiting.

"Hey, what's up?" The undercover reaper greeted. He was wearing a black tee-shirt with black anbu style pants and black leather gloves and a black leather jacket, even the cloth for his headband and sandals were black.

"Shut up idiot! Where the hell is your ugly jumpsuit?" The pink banshee screeched.

"It was horrible! Some orange hating maniac broke into my house and burned everything! They even beat up the oranges in my kitchen! There was ash and pulp everywhere!" Naruto yelled as he pretended to be distraught when he really he couldn't be happier, though, he was swaying slightly.

Sakura smirked, "If you find out who did it, tell me and I'll reward them." She said in what she thought was a sexy voice. Naruto almost turned green at the thought of someone getting a reward from the pink banshee.

"No one deserves such a horrible fate." He mumbled feeling dizzy.

*poof* Their senseis Kakashi and Yamato arrived.

"Your late!" The banshee making everyone flinch screeched.

"Sorry, we were lost on the road of life!" Kakashi said as Yamato shook his head. The wood user tried to get Kakashi here on time, but failed miserably.

"Don't you need a life to get lost on that road? Dead people, porn, and plants aren't much of a life." The two jonin twitched at the sarcastic remark and turned to see who made it. They saw a smoking hot young man with blonde hair and dressed in black.

"Who are you?" Yamato asked while thinking, (Will you go on a date with me?)

Naruto smirked, "I know the orange jumpsuit wasn't flattering, but you should still be able to tell who I am."

Kakashi and Yamato were shocked, "Naruto!"

"Yes, it is I! Like the new look?" The reaper asked with a slight slur.

"It's more appropriate for a ninja, but why the change? ... and why do you smell like smoke?" Kakashi asked.

Naruto shrugged, "Someone burned my jumpsuits!"

The two jonin were worried, "Are you alright?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm fine-"

"WHO CARES?! THE IDIOT ISN'T IMPORTANT! We should go get our mission done so we can bring my Sasuke-kun back!" Sakura screeched as she walked to the hokage tower. She never noticed her senseis glare at her. No paid much attention to the blonde who was swaying even more.

XXXXXXXXXX

They entered the hokage's office to see a pissed off hokage looking for her bottle of sake. She whirled round to look at them and first thing she saw was Naruto's new look and that he was swaying back and forth.

"Naruto, what happened to your orange jump- ... are you HIGH?! WHO GAVE MY LITTLE NARUTO DRUGS!" Tsunade roared flying into mother hen mode.

Naruto slurred, "Calm down, granny. No one gave me drugs. I just shouldn't have stood so close to the fire while the evil orange was burning ... Kami knows what those things were made of."

"YOU BURNED YOUR OWN JUMPSUITS!" A shocked Yamato, Tusnade, and Kakashi screamed. Sakura didn't care, if anything she was a little pissed that they weren't talking about Sasuke.

"Well duuhh. You guys didn't think I liked that shit, right? I only got it because it is the only thing demons are allowed to buy." Naruto slurred.

Tsunade went from shocked to heartbroken "Naruto, if something like that was going on you should've told me!"

"The council is enough of a pain in the ass as it is. If you try helping even more than you already have things will just get worse. It's not like dying can stop me so no worries." Naruto babbled. Thankfully, no one thought that comment was weird in his loopy state..,

Sakura screeched and cut Naruto off, "WOULD YOU SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT! We should be talking about someone important, like Sasuke-kun"

Tsunade was about to yell at Sakura, but Naruto beat her to it, "WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY. No one likes you, you stupid pink banshee man-lady!"

Sakura's jaw dropped, she never heard Naruto talk to her like that before! "Lots of people like me! You have a crush on me!"

Naruto shook his head, "No, I had a crush on a pink haired boy in the academy." He turned to Tsunade, Kakashi and Yamato. "You can imagine how heartbroken I was when the boy I liked won kunoichi of the year."

Kakashi gave a relieved sigh, "I thought I was the only one to make that mistake."

Yamato nodded, "Me too."

Sakura was fuming, "You jerks."

Tsunade shook her head, "Alright! Knock it off all of you! Sakura another peep out of you and I will remove your reproductive organs ... whichever those may be." That annoyed Sakura, but she shut up because she wanted to have Sasuke's kids. "Your mission is to go to Sand and pick up some documents from Gaara ... as soon as Naruto comes down from his high."

"Yes, hokage-sama."