Unforgotten

The Regrets

I didn't know we could fight so bitter. A sweet friendship, soft and warm like peach, torn apart by two sets of angry teeth. Now I am only left with this seed, hard and tasteless, only a portion of the beautiful fruit I use to bear. I'll hold it close to my heart, because this seed is what ties me to you. Our past friendship is over, but is there no new beginning? This seed can hold the sweetness that once was, so I'll love and cherish it, until it grows into a fruit like the one you and I once had. I don't believe that time heals all wounds, for this one is too deep and cruel, but I do believe that with time, we can cover up our past with a new friendship. We have fallen apart, but let us grow together. Let us learn, my dearest friend, to live and love again. 

Doesn't it hurt? It hurts me, and I wish to start over. So I'll ask you, again and again. Come back to me. 

Katherine. 

........................................................

And then, I awoke, pulling out of that same old dream. My breath is heavy and quick, my heart beating cold and hard in my chest. Beads of sweat crawl down my skin, clinging to my chin, till they slip and fall onto my clothes. I grasp at my chest, my fingernails digging into my sheets, and I pull myself up, sitting hunched over my legs, squeezing my eyes shut to pull myself out of this terrible state. I eventually come to, and the world slowly sinks back into my mind. The clock ticks softly, illuminated by the early morning light, and around me is my room, so calm and dim that it's tranquility slowly seeps back into me. My thoughts return.

'What is that dream?' I ask, not the first time. That name "Katherine" is unfamiliar to me, and I don't understand its place in my memories. The voice is unfamiliar, as well as its content. I'm just some average teenage girl, walking along in my normal life, like any other girl. 

With a sigh, I abandon my thoughts. As much as I want to figure out those strange workings of my mind, it feels futile. My thoughts are too jumbled, and my facts too lacking. Not to mention, that the dream had already slipped far away, and no longer can I recall it with clarity. One word sticks in my mind, however. "Katherine..." I mutter to myself, pushing off my covers as I slid off the bed. The chilly air of Fall touches my bare feet, so I slip them into the soft fuzzy slippers that I received long ago, from my deceased grandmother. In the sliver of window beneath the curtains, I see the world of Autumn. The trees' leaves have begun to turn their color, contrasting the dull, cloudy morning sky with an unmatched vivid yellow. The scene tastes of misplaced optimism, and I turn my head away. 

I turn my head to the wall. It is only 6 AM, and I have time before I have to laden myself down with school's supplies. I stand up and walk out, and down the dark quiet halls. I leave the house and step out into the backyard, which consisted of a small plot of grassy land, beyond which a quiet forest stretches far into the horizon. Early in the morning is the only time when the world is truly quiet. The distant roaring of the roads behind have died down, and the birds are not yet awake. I wander into the forest, down an well-used path. Breaking through the silence are my footsteps, and the sound of myself soon becomes oppressive to me, so I stop. I stand, unmoving, slow breathing. 

Some leaves above me flutter down, twirling and twisting in the still air, so full of life. Then they hit the floor, and all the motion fades away, completely nullified by the ground. Just a small bit of force made the leaves dance so bright, but in the end, all that life and dancing did nothing to the ground. Human life was nothing more then a dancing leaf. We twirl and leap, fall and crash, and repeat, until we simply disappear. Then, all our meaning, all our purpose, disappears, infinitesimally small compared to this great expanse of a world. An hour from now, I would undoubtedly feel the same stress of school, same excitement of seeing Emily and Joanna, my friends, but for now, all I felt was apathy, a complete and cutting detachment from the world. 

The leaf now rested in my hand, and I held the stem between my fingertips. I twirled it softly, and then let it drop once again. It didn't fall the same, and I lost interest. I began to walk again, slowly and quietly as I avoided crushing the fall leaves that scattered the forest floor. A small ebbing voice whispered in my head to head back home, away from the danger and solitude of the forest, and back to my ordinary school life. I did not obey. "Katherine..." I muttered again to myself, and looked up to the sky, still dimmed by the many clouds. 

Soon I reached a pond, and I stood at its edge. There was no wind, no movement, and the pond had become a perfect, dark mirror. Into its depths I stared back at me, my brown eyes black and cloudy like a stormy night. Behind me I saw the rising trees, yellow and orange and red, and beyond that the far grey clouds. Not a single thing moved, until my arm raised up, towards the water, towards me. I had not remembered leaning forward nor raising my arm, but soon I felt my hand sinking through the still mirror beneath me. It consumed my arm, then my shoulder, and enveloped my head, torso, and legs. I was terrified, but in moments like these, you use yourself in utter confusion. If God were to show up and strike someone down, first they would stand and gawk that God himself were before them. It would be reasonable to run, but they wouldn't at first, out of shock. That was what I experienced now, and it was only until I was in pitch blackness, sinking far too deep for a normal small pond in the forest, that I panicked. 

I kicked and thrashed, struggled and squirmed, clawed and scratched. The water around me was cold, and skipped out of my grasp, keeping me stationary and useless. I was underwater, eyes open, but there was nothing but darkness. There was nothing around me- no sound, no light, no colors, only the chilled black. My lungs began to force on me their need for air, and I opened my mouth wide and gasped. I inhaled, and the urge was quenched. My panic receded. All I felt was a strange calmness now, as I looked around me. I didn't understand anything. I was drowning, yet I could think. I had no air, only water, but somehow, my brain was still working. 

"Katherine, is that you?" A voice calls, and I am able to twist my body upright. I see the source of the voice, a silhouette in the shadows. The voice belonged to a boy. 

"I'm not Katherine." I reply. "You are" He said. "I have been waiting for you. Oh, at long last, you are here. We can finally be free again. Let us be free." 

I didn't know what he was speaking about, but something about him, his voice, his sincerity, drew me towards him. I see his silhouette reach towards me, and I grasp his hand. I feel the current slip past my skin, softly and gently, as I and he are both pulled by some invisible force. 

It all fades for a single moment, and I feel my feet touch the ground. Then, the world is unrevealed. Cool air rushes to greet my skin, and a quick breeze kicks up the snow that covers the ground. Surrounding me are large, rising pines, their green spines layered in snow. In front of me is a boy, perhaps a few years older then me, with jet black hair and even darker eyes. 

"We're back." He says. His hand is holding mine. We are on a path through this forest, and he leads me down it. I follow after him and try to make sense of the situation. He is wearing dark clothing with belts of weapons fastened on him, and knee high black boots. Everything about him his black and dark. On me I have a grey fur dress that goes down to my knees, and covers down to my wrists and drops over my forehead with a hood. I feel that I am wearing pants underneath my dress, and possibly a shirt too. My shoes are furry, and most likely boots, but I do not look at them. "Excuse me," I say to him, "Who are you?" 

He suddenly stops, and looks back at me with confusion. "Has it been so long that you forgot? I'm Jerrison, Jerrison Woodland." His voice is not soft, but it is familiar and comforting. His eyes that watch me closely are not a new sight, and I feel myself naturally trusting him. Still, I do not know him. I shake my head, "I don't know who you are," I say, "And I'm not Katherine, I'm Stacy."

Jerrison's eyes show no more disbelief then they ever did, and he lets out a quiet scoff. "If this is a joke, it's not funny. But I can tell it's not. You love your jokes, but you're terrible at hiding them. It's not terribly abnormal for someone to lose their memory after going through it as long as you, but I just thought you would be able to handle it, if anyone." 

"Handle.. it?" I ask. 

"Well, yes. Being in the abyss is no easy task." He says it like even fools would know, but I am still baffled, and as I look at him in silence, he senses this. Worry flashes in his gaze, and he turns away, only saying. "I'll get you to a doctor, we'll be able to fix this. Don't you worry." He is curt and frank in his manner of speaking, but I sense an underlying affections. The idea that, at some point, this stranger was my friend, even a close friend, did not feel too incredible.