Possessive Mate

37

I turn the water back on and try to quickly wash as much blood off of me as I could before she returns with Derek. The water is puddling around me it's a deep red making my head spin.

"It's going to be okay love." I hear his low voice behind but I can't bare to look at him. I clinch the side of the bath tub as I sit down bringing my knees to my face, resting my head against them opposite way of Derek.

I'm not the girl he loved before, I'm a whole other person, a terrible person. I can't face him, not now. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to. "I want my dad." I say just loud enough for him to hear me.

He sighs deeply but says nothing "I'll go get him." I hear him speak finally after what feels like an eternity. The floor creeks when he leaves slamming  the door slightly behind him.

I know he is frustrated, he wanted this amazing moment where we run into each other arms and kiss and make up. But this isn't like all the other times where we fought.

I killed people. I almost killed him, the man I love with my whole heart. I have the power to kill him with one single bite and that utterly terrifies me because I have no control over my anger. Today showed me that, it showed me I can't be with him no matter how much I want. No matter how much my body craves his touch. I can't let myself. 

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"what happened today wasn't you're fault" my dad assures me sitting my cup of tea on the table in front of me. "They were terrible, terrible people Maize. You have to know that. They were going to kill you both, you were defending yourself that's all." I shake my head looking out at the stars.

They are so bright tonight and the sky is so clear. Lately you can never see them since it's been so cloudy and the woods block them from down below. 

"They were people though, and josh." I say lowly my eyes begin to water, I wipes the tears furiously. "None of it had to happen, it was my fault. They were there for me." I grit. "Im not worth risking the lives of these people."

"That's what the pack does, it's a family. They look out for each other." He says rubbing my arm soothingly "you're apart of this family Maiz."

"I don't deserve to be apart of it!" I say standing up my hands gripping the railing "Jones was right, I shouldn't be here."

"Those people killed your mother Maize." My dad speaks walking towards me, pain in his eyes. "They would've killed you too. The only reason you are alive is because you killed them and that's okay, you can't blame yourself. You can't hold that guilt inside you, it will eat you away." His hands cup my cheeks "let it go." He says softly "Josh died while defending his pack, he died for the people he loved And it's sad and hard but it isn't your fault." He rubs the tears from under my eyes. "You have to let it go."

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- Next morning -

Im up all night, the nightmares giving me no sort of relief. Every time I fall asleep I'm jolted awake, images of blood and fire filling my mind. When the sun is finally shining through the window I tell myself it's alright to get up.

I throw on a pair of sweat pants and keep the hoodie from the night before on. I walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It's frightening, the bags under my eyes are dark and my skin is paler than normal. My body aches, my heart aches. I quickly spit out the toothpaste avoiding looking at myself any further.

I peek my head out the door making sure nobody is awake yet, everyone tends to sleep in later than 7am.

I slowly walk down the stairs and into the kitchen without making a sound. I pour a cup of coffee and head outside. The grass is wet from the rain last night but the sun is peeking through the trees.

I keep telling myself to listen to my dad and let it go, that it wasn't my fault and that they were terrible terrible people. But I just can't.

"Maize?" I voice startles me from behind, my coffee dropping to the ground. It's Spike. "Why are you up so early?" We both say at the same time. He laughs shaking his head walking on to the patio. "I like to be the first one up." He says "normally I am." He says nudging me with his elbow. "And you?" He adds

"Couldn't sleep." I shrug picking up the broken mug from the ground. "Let me get that, Derek will have my head if you cut yourself on it." He says taking the mug from hand. "I'm a hybrid now, he doesn't need to worry about me anymore." I say rather sharply.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." He shakes his head "doesn't mean he doesn't worry. He was so worried when you were gone."

"Well he doesn't need to anymore." I huff heading towards the door I should've stayed in the room. I'm not ready to have this conversation with him or anyone for the matter. He blocks me from the door "we need to talk" he says firmly "no we don't." I spit back just as harsh.

"You left. You ran away." He points getting in my face I back up my anger rising slightly. Don't Maize calm down. "I could've killed him!" I shout my nails digging into my palms. "I could kill you right now! Don't you get that?"

"We were working on it maiz! We could've helped! You didn't have to run." He shouts back at me throwing the coffee cup back to the ground "god maize!" He huffs tugging at this hair, his dark eyes starting at me.

"Helped?" I question laughing sarcastically, I can't do this right now, I need to walk away. I turn to run into the forest but he grips my arm. "Don't!" I say coldly my eyes glowing as they look at his hand on my arm.

"What's going on?" Derek's voice startles me out of my rage. he looks at me then at Spike, then at his hand on my arm. "Let her go." He growls lowly, Spike let's go his eyes locking with mine as we both back up from each other.

"We were just talking." I assure Derek pulling my arm back to my side. "Now I'm going for a run."

"No you're not we aren't finished." Spike bites towards me but Derek interrupts him "you're finished. if she wants to run, let her run." He says his eyes never leaving mine, his gaze so intense I have to look away.

"Whatever." Spikes grits rolling his eyes before walking back inside, leaving me and Derek alone. "Are you ok?" He questions gently inching towards me making take a step back fighting every urge in my body that's telling me to let him touch me. "Yep, fine." I say before I turn and dash into the words.

I try to run away from the throb in my chest. I try to run faster and harder hoping for some ounce of relief. But I'm stuck with the same amount of agony as I began with.