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The main headline in The Times newspaper was like a slap in the face.

With a tractor.

I looked again to make sure that my sleep-deprived brain was not deceiving me, but unfortunately the garishly red block letters that spelled out "MP McKay's Mishap" were still emblazoned across the front of the paper. I cringed in shame as I tried to drown my sorrows in coffee and ultimately failed. 

I had absolutely no doubt that this was the case in other dailies as well. As I hurried to get dressed to report to the House of Commons on time,  sneaked a peek at the article which starred yours truly, MP Matt McKay.

"A major gaffe on the part of MP Matthew McKay in his speech to the children of his alma mater Millhill High School has the nation in hysterics. The representative of the Bristol Docklands constituent was speaking to the students for their graduation ceremony when he accidentally mixed up two wildly different words."

I got out of my house, trying to ignore the stares of my neighbours as I walked to my car where my driver was working. The car ride to work was silent, thankfully; the driver dutifully neglected to converse about the news of the day. I opened the newspaper and continued to read:

"MP McKay, a firm believer in the notion that holistic development should be given equal importance to academics for children, was delivering a speech about how 'it's not how much you know but how well you know it'. While explaining that it doesn't matter how many mensuration problems one can solve, the Oxford-educated politician accidentally substituted the word 'mensuration' with 'menstruation'."

I pinched the  bridge of my nose in embarrassment, feeling the eyes of the public on me as the car passed by the streets. Suddenly I wished that I had just stayed at home and bemoaned my fate in my pyjamas.

Eventually it was time for the inevitable; I had to get out of the safety of my car to get into the hall without dying. As I walked under the intense scrutiny of my fellow MPs I felt like Alice in Wonderland when she'd eaten the cake which made her shrink. Sucking in a deep breath, I steeled my nerves. If anyone asked, I would answer. But I was sure that I would never be able to live it down.

THE END.