WILD ( freddie mercury. )

SIXTEEN - THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

The lyrics 'I can see your lovely smile' struck Elijah' heart intensely as the face of Freddie suddenly appeared on his mind, a flashback infiltrating his mind and sending him back to the time when Freddie was drawing him— Elijah Phoenix. They weren't a couple during that time yet, but Elijah could clearly remember the adoring gaze of Freddie when he looked at him. 

Most people weren't aware of it but Freddie is a true artist, only those close to him knew how much talent he hid from the public. Sure, it was public knowledge that he drew Queen's logo when they were just beginning to form the band but that was it. However, Elijah saw the telltale indications of his ability to bring life into his sketches and to give it a wonderful meaning was just glorious, and he had to admit maybe it was the start of him seeing Freddie in a different way— someone he perceived more than just  a friend.

It was true enough that Freddie had a beautiful soul but what captivated Elijah from the moment on was his enchanting smile that seemed to lighten up anyone that was around him. Freddie used to cover his smiles and laughs with his hand but with Elijah, he was comfortable enough that he didn't care if the man saw his insecurity— his teeth because he trusted Elijah would never judge him for his looks. And Freddie's eyes too, the spark inside of them and the concealed inquisitiveness, mischief and passion to make sure Queen's music would have the quality of absolute perfection.

Reminiscing all their memories together just made Elijah's heart wallow in agony even more and he swallowed a deep breath to contain the tears that threatened to leave his eyes once again. He was done with crying, he just felt absolutely exhausted to the bits of contemplating giving up.

Wishing that I'll be

The man that you'll touch and see

I'll give my love that can't explain

We will be running in the rain

And I will hold your hand

Hold my hand

His hand twitched, feeling something that wasn't there and all he wished for was just to cherish Freddie in his arms again and tell him that he forgives him, yet every time the thought of Freddie not answering his phone calls for months and him rushing home just to see Paul snogging the man stopped him from doing it. His eyes fluttered before opening again, taking attention to his surroundings and fully realizing how lonely he is. There was a clutter of papers underneath the sofa he was sitting on, a bunch of unwashed plates and glasses on the sink and dust was starting to form on top of the shelves, a sign that the apartment hasn't been used.

There was a tiny part in his heart that was hoping for Freddie to surprisingly arrive and they can finally talk things out. But remembering what he said that night diminished that hope as swiftly as it appeared on his mind. He knew his words surely affected Freddie harshly, and that may or may not be the end of all things aka their relationship however he knew what he said was correct.

"Is it worth it? Is us worth it? If our relationship would just cause heartache, drinking alcohol and scars, is it really worth it? Is us worth fighting for?" His own words rang in his mind and he couldn't keep the flinch from rising, feeling undeniably ashamed of himself and he tried to cover his body with a pillow even though no one was there to look disappointingly at him. Deaks would surely. Even Brian would. He smiled ironically.