killer queen | joe mazzello

49. to say goodbye

the first thing i did when i woke up before joe the next morning was google how to survive your boyfriend leaving for six months.

not many articles popped up. the ones that did were cosmopolitan-esque to-do-lists for teenagers dealing with their boyfriends or girlfriends going to different colleges.

no matter it's purpose, i read a few dozen, and wrote down notes in my phone for future reference. i was going to need how the help i could.

nonetheless, the end was nearer than i had time for.

the days seemed to blur as we secured plans for dunkin and joe's apartment, packed up suitcases for his departure, and spent as much time together as physically possible. at one point, joe nearly followed me into the bathroom and started crying when i shut the door on him.

needless to say, we were both mopping children who quite possibly needed to be apart in order to slip out of our honeymoon phase.

on the morning of joe's flight, i was, for the first time, not awake before him. in fact, i was still sleeping soundly between his sheets when he crouched down beside me and kissed my forehead.

i grappled at the comforter between my fingers, letting out a large yawn as i slowly sat up.

"morning, sweetheart." joe grabbed a lazy hand between both of his and held it to his lips.

i frowned, dipping my head to lean against his. "i'm so proud of you. it hurts like hell that you're going to be leaving for so long, but i know for definite that this is the best thing for you to do. so many good things are going to come out of this movie."

joe nodded solemnly, causing my head to tilt more. and suddenly we were standing in the kitchen, dressed and ready to leave for the airport.

it was a forty five minute drive there, and i was the designated driver. so, after joe hugged both bianca and dunkin for fifteen minutes straight, we locked up the apartment and i drove us away.

joe clutched onto my thigh the entire ride, the playlist i'd made for him playing softly in the speakers. his head was lolling against the window, and i knew he was crying.

i tried my best not to, but i couldn't stop the stray tear that fell every once and a while. sadly, we were soon enough at security:

where i had to say goodbye.

we stopped before the massive line of people being escorted through security checks and faced one another. joe dropped my hand from his own and tossed his arms around my neck.

"it's only a month, joe. and then you come and visit for christmas. and we can go see your parents again. just think happy things, okay?" i mumbled into his ear, my fingers intertwined in his hair as his hands moved to my waist.

"i love you so much, okay? i love you so much more than i've ever loved anybody in my entire life. more than patricia and every other jewish girl my mother ever forced me into a date with. you are my entire world, donna." joe wept into my hair, his shoulders shaking. "i know it's only a month, but a month without you is an entire fucking lifetime. i can't believe i'm going to be missing your birthday and-"

"happy things, joe."

"okay, okay- um, happy things- you. i thank you so much for everything you've done for me. you love me unconditionally and you're so patient with me when i get to be so weird sometimes. and, and, you've gone to so many lengths just to make happy, like taking me to new york, and calling my mother so that i'd talk to her again. and planning for me to see her and my dad again- i just can't believe you're a real person. like, youre a fucking goddess. and i, i love you, so mu-"

"flight 1796, departing for london, is now boarding at gate 21."

we peeled ourselves apart and joe cupped my cheeks in his large hands. he kissed me long and hard, attempting to swallow bits of my soul through my lips.

i clung to the front of his sweatshirt, the tears just now beginning to stream under his fingers.

"i'll call you when i land, okay?"

"okay." i kissed him once again, but refrained from falling further into his arms. "just go and- don't look back, okay?"

"i love you." joe stepped back.

my hands fell to my sides. "go- go, i love you, too. go."

"i love you."

"i love you, too."

—

joe🕺❤️

donna💃❤️
i didn't get the chance to tell you anything in return to your long ass speech, so here goes:
when i found out aaron was cheating on me, i was mostly devastated because i nearly thought i was in love with him. but you have no idea how badly i want to thank him and patricia for being the assholes that they are. joe, i've never felt this type of way before. like with you i don't even have to think about whether or not i'm in love with you because i am. i'm so grateful to have a supportive and weird and sexy and handsome and loving man such as yourself be mine. i'm so proud of everything you've accomplished in your life and i know for a fact that it's only up from here, okay? a month away from me only means endless success for you.
tell brian may i love him, by the way ;)
but know that i love you much, much more.