My dad was asleep on the recliner when I got home, an empty beer bottle in his hand.
I tried not to see Henry's father in him. I tried to convince myself he would get better soon. I tried to forget about the empty bed in the bedroom. God, I tried.
Instead, I took the beer bottle, walked into the kitchen, threw it away, and made myself a sandwich. After that I showered and laid down.
Now I stare up at the textured ceiling and feel my chest burning with the same guilt that I felt that night.
I think of Charlie. Of her insane ego. Of my love for her. Of her love for me. Of my dad's fear we'd never find her.
My radio plays some slow song with a steel guitar. It sounds like crying. An otherworldly sound that means sadness where ever it is. I look at Charlie's stuff.
Suddenly I am up, walking to her boxes. I put them on her bed and start taking out the bold clothes. The ripped jeans and tight t-shirts. Carefully, I place the clothes in her drawers. I put her geodes back on the shelf and the candles back on the dresser. I pin the posters back onto the wall and place her shoes in the closet. Delicately, I place her necklaces and silver bracelets into her wooden jewelry box. Then I fix her bed and fluff the pillows, the way I know she likes
My stuff stays in its packaging. Where I know it will be safe.
I fold the boxes and slide them under my bed.
Then I lay back down. Finally I can relax. Now that I know there's a room for her to come home to. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears and I will myself to imagine it's hers. I hear the patter of rain begin outside and... footsteps? I lay on the bed and listen as the footsteps near my room. Quickly, I shut my eyes. The doorknob twists and slowly the it creaks open. I try to take a peek through my lashes and see my dad standing at the door with bloodshot eyes.
"Lorraine? Are you up?" I don't know what he wants, but I don't think anything I'd say right now would help. So against my better judgement, I keep my eyes shut and even let out a snore to really sell it. He lets out a sigh, sounding relieved almost. Then he turns off the light and shuts the door, leaving me in the dark. I don't move until I hear the front door open and close.
Quickly, I move to the window and see his car pull out of the driveway. He pulls into the street and drives off into the night. I want to go after him, to make him come back but I'm frozen in place.
What does he think he's going to find out there? Her?
A part of me hopes he doesn't. Because if he finds my sister, I know he won't find her alive.
I take shallow breaths and climb back into bed. Slowly, I lift the covers to my chin and stare into the wall.
-
A loud crash wakes me and my eyes shoot open.
The clock says it's one in the morning.
It's just dad.
I try to calm down and close my eyes again.
Another loud crash sounds through the house.
What the hell is he doing?
I throw my blanket off of me and open the bedroom door. The hallway is pitch black and my fear tells me not to leave my room.
But I've never listened to myself. So I take a step into the cold, dark hall.
"Dad?" I call out. "Dad, are you okay?"
Nothing.
I hear a rustling in the kitchen and sigh.
