D's Dear Diary

Part 1(saying goodbye)

One of the worst feelings in the world is watching the one you love walk away from your life even tho u don't want them to it's like u are forced to say goodbye when u are clearly not ready, they are just slipping from your hands and you can't catch them not anymore and even worse when you see that this person has moved on and started a new life while you are still the same like when they left you, it's like time froze and the feeling of the nothing took place and a whole in ur chest never leaving that u got used to , besides how much painfull it is. You living ur life as each day is just another day, you don't have a purpose nor a goal nor exeptations,nothing, just nothing you are like a walking dead body without a soul u are just waiting till u fall asleep to be numb to the constant pain , that might sound insane and surreal because it is actually, but in fact at that moment in this period of ur existence that's how it feels. And the moment u feel more and more pathetic when u realise that on the otherside that someone doesnt even think about u not atleast for a sec, its like u were a period they were once in and they got rid and over it and u question urself how?just how can it be so easy and that's when u start feeling really weak and the other big question u ask urself : " Am i being weak pathetic childish and vulnerable more than i should be? Or is it just I loved them more than they ever did and that explains how they moved on easily..." To be honest i think that no matter how much someone loves the other when they decide they want to move on and start over they succeed but there will always be that little reminder of the person and u will find urself missing that someone but perhaps its just the memories that are hunting u , the many nights u spent talking all night long ur hearts out to eachother and cuddling or the times when u used to laugh till u were literally crawling on the floor holding ur stomach or the times when u were a crying shoulder to one another and the secrets u kept and the inside jokes that no one understands. Thats what you can't get rid off and your routine of having that someone always with you almost everyday , almost glued to you... you were so used to their presence that they were a normal typical part of ur life. It's hard, why deny it? I believe everyone pass through this, every single person, and the memories that used to sadden u perhaps in the futur when u'll look back at them u'll smile and laugh at the reminder of the good times u had with that person and u'll be happy because they happened even if the one whom u've shared them with isnt in your life anymore.