Where to Find Me | Tyrus

Part 5

TJ's POV

The game didn't go well. We lost, but thankfully I had Cyrus smiling at me from the bleachers the whole time. After getting changed out of my uniform, I found Cyrus waiting for me, still sitting in the same spot on the bleachers where he was for the whole game.

"You played awesome!" He cheers.

"We lost," I remind him.

"Yeah, well, I don't know how the points work, so to me you did great."

I laugh and put my arm around his shoulder to squeeze him into a quick side hug. "Thanks, Cy."

"Anytime."

"Hey, If you're not busy, any chance you want to come over and finish watching the rest of that documentary?"

"You actually liked it that much?" he says, surprised.

No, not really, but I like you. "Yeah! You were right, it is like Terminator with alligators. Action-packed and suspenseful." I figured I should stop there before he asks me to explain further and I don't have an answer. To be honest, for most of the movie, I was more focused on him than on the television.

"I'll have to text my mom to ask, but I'm sure I can come over," he says.

"Sounds good."

__________________________________

"Have you ever been to a lodge before?" Cyrus asks me as I sit down on the couch.

"Well, a lodge is basically like camping for people who don't actually want to camp, so no. I like being outside with nature. What about you?"

"Never been to a lodge. Been camping before with my family, but I've not exactly a spokesperson for Bass Pro Shops."

I let out a chuckle. "Don't like the outdoors?"

"No, I love outdoors, especially when I'm watching it from the safety and comfort of my own house through a TV screen."

I grin and pass him the remote.

"I think I fell asleep around here," Cyrus says, stopping my fast-forwarding of the show. It stops at a scene with two alligators crawling alongside two smaller ones. "Yup, this is it."

We both stare at the television while picking at the bowl of popcorn that I made for us. Every time he reacts to the show, my eyes flicker to him, but I don't keep them there for too long, afraid he'll notice and think into it. Then, when our hands touch in the popcorn bowl, I take a risk.

"You're hands are cold," I say, taking his hand in mine.

"Well, I was outside without gloves on," he says.

I wait for him to pull his hand away, but he doesn't. He keeps it in mine, even though his attention averts back to the TV. Then I try something else, something I'll have a harder time playing off if it goes wrong, but for some reason my screw it side has surfaced and all I want is to be as close to this boy as possible. I wrap my fingers between his, intertwining our hands. He doesn't resist. I look at him, trying to see what he's thinking through his face, but he's still staring at the television. I turn my neck back to look at the show and as I do, I feel his head fall onto my shoulder. What is happening right now?

Neither of us say anything for the rest of the movie. Maybe he is just as confused as I was. My head is trying to piece this puzzle of emotions together the entire time, so I barely have enough mental space to remember to breathe. Every time I let air into my chest, my heart beats five extra times, as though this is some kind of competition of who can make TJ more nervous. I'm slightly worried that Cyrus can hear my pounding heart with his head on my shoulder.

At the end of the movie, we both stay like that for a moment before he lets go of my hands, saying, "I should go. My mom said I need to be home for dinner."

"Yeah, of course."

I get up with him and walked him up the stairs and to the door. I open the door for him and he steps outside, then turns to face me. We both look at each other for a moment, but it was clear neither of us are confident enough to do anything else.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he says.

"See you," I respond as he descends the steps from my porch.

I turn around and close the door, then lean against it, trying to catch my breath and steady my heartbeat.

Later that night, after getting ready for bed, I get a text from Cyrus.

Cyrus: Goodnight.

I smile as I text back.

TJ: Goodnight, Underdog. Sleep tight.

Cyrus: :)

I don't think I'll be able to sleep. My head is spinning too much. There's no denying the fact that I have a giant-ass crush on Cyrus Goodman—but what now?

____________________________________

I wake up the next morning feeling drained. I hardly slept last night, because I was thinking about Cyrus, and when I did sleep, I dreamt about him. He was officially invading every inch of my mind. Every time I tried to fall asleep, my thought drifted back to the way it felt to have his hands in mine and his head on my shoulder. Did that really happen? Or was that a dream, too?

It wasn't just Cyrus I was thinking about, but also my parents. I want to come out to them. I want to tell them that I like guys, that I like girls and guys. Even if Cyrus really is straight, and everything that happened was just him being his adorable, quirky self, I won't be able to have a chance with a boy unless I'm honest about who I like.

I go to check my phone and see a text from Cyrus on the screen.

Cyrus: Remember to be at Andi's at 9:00.

I almost forgot. Today is Thursday, which means the weekend has begun and I'm supposed too be at Andi's in less than an hour.

TJ: I'll be there.

I'm leaving soon. What do I have to lose? I could come out to my parents now and if it doesn't go well, I'm leaving anyway. They'll have time to forget about it, wake up tomorrow thinking it was just a dream.

I get ready in the bathroom and finish packing the last of the things I need in a bag, then drag it down the stairs, it's bottom bumping on each carpeted step. I can tell them over breakfast. That's perfect.

As I touch the main floor, I overhear a conversation from the kitchen. It's my parents.

"Did Nora tell you about what Amber told her yesterday?" comes my mom's voice. Nora is my aunt, Amber's mom. I guess my dad must've said no, but I couldn't hear him, because my mom continues, saying, "She said she's bisexual."

She did?

"Nora's not sure what to do," my mom goes on. "They think she might just be confused, because she's dated boys before."

"I hope it all works itself out," my dad says.

"Oh, I'm sure it will," my mom says. "They love her so much. It must be so hard seeing your child so confused about their feelings, and knowing you can't help."

They think she's confused? Will they think I'm confused? I feel my gut twist. I can't do this. It's too hard. I'll try again another time. Maybe.

I pull my bag over my shoulder, and go over to open the door. The door creaks, though I was trying to be quiet. I don't want to talk right now.

"Bye, sweetheart!" my mother calls from the kitchen. "Have fun!"

"Thanks," is all I say before closing the door behind me.