beautiful

the rain doesn't always bring a rainbow

Cady lets out a small giggle, allowing a smile to form on to Janis's face.

Damian meets them outside of Ms. Norbury's room, joining in on their conversation of embarrassing childhood stories. The homeroom bell rings, Janis pulling Cady into homeroom and telling her to next to them.

------------------------------

Cady's goes on, nothing major happening. Until third period. She is in the restroom, checking out the notifications on her phone. She hears someone walk in, but doesn't look up, thinking that it's just another girl. Until large hands cover her mouth.

Cady looks up, seeing Shane Omen staring down at her, a devilish smirk on his face. Cady's eyes go wide. She tries to scream, but he grips her mouth tighter. He shoves her down to the floor, starting to take off his belt. It's happening all too fast for her. She starts to feel light-headed, as if she could pass out at any moment. Quicker than she can realize, Shane's pants are on the floor. Her head is spinning. And then he is in her mouth.

Cady immediately gags, trying to get herself to puke. She tries to push him off of her. He only pushes further into her mouth, a grin forming on his face. Soon enough, he finishes in her mouth, leaving her to sob on the bathroom floor.

She cannot look at herself in the mirror, knowing that is she does she will want to cut open her arms. She washes out her mouth, her hands shaking more than they ever have before.

------------------------------

She can't go to lunch. She knows the second she sees Janis she will break down. She takes her stuff and heads to the library. She finds a small bean bag in a hidden corner. She lays down, shaking. Tears stream down her face and she curls into a ball. She can't comprehend what has happened to her. She lays there, tears running down her face, her body shaking. She does not move. She lays there, left alone with her thoughts until lunch is over.

------------------------------

Janis sits at the lunch table with Damian, her head in her hands.

"Where's Caddie?" Damian asks, food in his hands.

"I have no clue. I checked the bathroom and she wasn't there. I don't know where she could have gone," Janis responds, snacking on a granola bar.

She overhears Shane Omen going on and on about a girl he forced into some head.

But she doesn't put two and two together.

------------------------------

Drama class. Cady's escape. She has always loved the theatre, even back in Kenya. As she works on her research project, Damian sits down next to her.

"Why weren't you at lunch?" he questions, pulling out his notebook.

"I didn't feel well so I went to the nurse to lay down," she lies, not looking up at him.

"Okay. Oh, hey, by the way. Auditions for Heathers are tomorrow. I really think you should try out, it's a really fun show," he smiles.

"Um...okay. I'm going to need help with the material though," she responds, looking up at him.

"You can come over after school. You can walk with me. Janis has to stay after for art club so it'll just be us," he offers.

"Okay. Sounds great," she smiles.

Her and Damian sit in silence as they both work on their research projects.

------------------------------

Cady and Damian meet up after last period and start their journey toward his house. He lives closer to the school than her and Janis do. They make small conversation, Damian explaining the plot of Heathers to Cady.

Cady listens, slowly getting more and more interested in the show. As they arrive at Damian's house, they head to the basement. Damian pulls out a red folder, stuffed to the brim with audition material.

"Okay so everyone has to audition with a small portion of Big Fun. And you also need to pick a full song that shows off your vocal talent," Damian explains, pulling out some papers.

Cady nods along, taking the papers and looking over them. Damian starts to play Big Fun, the song filling the large basement. Cady taps her foot along to the beat.

"I like that!" Cady smiles.

"Do you think you know the lyrics?" Damian asks.

"Sort of," Cady responds.

"I'll sing it with you," Damian smiles. He turns on the instrumental track.

"The folks are gone

It's time for big fun!

Big fun!

We're up till dawn

Having some big fun! Big fun!

So let the speakers blow

They'll buy another stereo

Our folks got no clue

'bout all the shit their children do

Why are they surprised?

Whenever we're unsupervised

It's big fun!

Big fun!

Big fun!

Big fun!

Big fun!" They both sing. The track ends.

"Holy shit!" Damian screams. "You're really fucking good!"

"Um, thanks?" Cady laughs.

"Okay I have the perfect song for vocal talent. It's called Requiem. It's from Dear Evan Hansen," he says. He plays her the song, Cady intently listening to the emotional lyrics.

"I love that song. It's perfect. Thank you so much, Damian," she says. "Alright, I have to go. My mom is requesting my presence."

Damian giggles. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

Cady walks out the front door, walking in the direction of her house. She arrives about ten minutes later, Nala attacking her the second she walks into door. Cady lets out a giggle.

"Hey, mpenzi. How was school?" her mom questions.

"Hi, Mom. School was pretty good. Damian has convinced me to try out for the school musical. It's called Heathers. It sounds like a really fun show," she smiles.

"That's great, mpenzi. I hope everything goes well," her mom says.

"I have a lot of homework. I'm just going to eat a Kälteen bar for dinner," Cady says, grabbing the mean replacement bar.

"Okay, mpenzi. Don't stress yourself out too much," her mom responds.

Cady heads upstairs. She goes into the bathroom, immediately stripping of her clothes. She turns on the water for a shower. She breaks the Kälteen bar into small pieces and flushes them down the toilet.

Cady steps into the shower. Immediately letting the water run over her skin. She scrubs and scrubs until her skin is raw and the water is cold. She still doesn't feel clean. She can feel the panic attack coming on. She shuts off the water and gets out. She walks past the mirror, not daring to look at herself. She slips on a pair of sleep shorts and a long sleeve gray shirt, lined with fleece.

She locks the door and lays down, allowing the panic to overcome her. She sobs and shakes, unable to control herself. She continues to sob and hyperventilate until she falls asleep from the exhaustion. Her phone continues to ding, texts from Janis and Damian filling her phone. Messages she won't read until the morning.

Janis can hear her sobbing, worry filling her body. She tries to text her but she just won't answer. She tells Damian, who texts her too. She doesn't answer.

Her new friends want answers. But they won't get the ones that they want.