Tile Wall

Chapter 1

I left the people in their expensive suits, with their expensive cappuccinos in the expensive office. I was one of them, thanks to my boyfriend.

We met about one and a half year ago on a fancy cafe here in Miami, which I absolutely couldn't afford back then. I worked there as an waiter and served all the men in suits while I just had an dirty apron covered in coffee stains.

He walked in to the cafe with same glow as now when he walked in to the reception in the office building where I was waiting. He was muscular with beard shaved so his cheekbones looked really sharp. Dark blue suit exactly as everyone else here. My boss... as he literally was. Thanks to him am I a part of this suit dressed world.

I'm a 24 years old guy who grew up in a little town far north of Miami, my family didn't have so good economic but despite that did my parents rattled money together for my college in Miami. I lived in an little apartment with a roommate and worked to support myself. After collage I came out to my parents and since that have I not been welcome home. How ever did I met my boyfriend during that time so only after two months of dating did I move in with him in his expensive penthouse and got employed on his company.

"Hi babe" I said and kissed him on his cheek.
"Hello the taxi is waiting outside for us, I have booked a table on a new restaurant" We went out and he opened the door for me to the yellow taxi. He sat down near me and held my hand, and his phone in the other. I shared my boyfriend with a phone...sometimes it felt like the phone got more attention than me and like they shared more secrets.

When we came to the restaurant Darren paid the taxi driver and we stepped out of the taxi. On the street people rushed past us, portfolios and handbags swung back and forth in their hands.

In the restaurant waiters ran between the white dressed tables. People ate dishes that seemed to be more expensive than what I paid for my apartment every month in college.
"Darren och Matthew?"
"Yes that's us"
"This way please" We was escorted to our table in the center of the restaurant, in the center of the chaos. We ordered something to drink while we decided what to eat.

"Hey Matthew...it was actually something I wanted to talk to you about" He took a pause to think. He seemed really nervous.
"Yes?" I asked concerned, he is almost never nervous.
"It's...Aah I don't know how to formulate myself"
"Just say what you have on your mind"
"Okey...I'm a woman!" He almost shouted out.
"Excuse me what?" I couldn't take in the words that just had came out of his mouth.
"I'm born in the wrong sex, I want to be a woman".

I just looked at him questioningly.

"Yeah I have known It for a while but just denied it, but now have I decided to do a gender reassignment, and I feel that I like girls more"

"So you are both transgender and lesbian? Or gay or whatever it's called?" Everything was just a mess in my head.

"Yes exactly...".

I felt how my whole life fell into million pieces. It was not the best life and not what I had dreamed about, but it was good, it was enough. Just in this moment I felt how I couldn't lose all this, him, one of the few I had left...So that's why I told him this:

"Oh my god, no what? How is it possible? I feel the exact same way, I have too felt like I'am a woman but haven't dared to say anything to you".

That theater group in collage did really help now.

"What is it true? I'm so glad, then we can both do a gender reassignment and we can live together as our true self".

"Yes"

We kissed but I wanted to throw up, I drank my whole drink in one go and excused myself.

I walked in on the big white toilet, past the basins, and smashed my head in the tile wall, wishing to pass out and wake up from this nightmare, what have i done?