When a Player Meets a Player

Chapter 22

"Sluts are here for a reason though, because they are smart enough to keep their guards up. How did I get here? Because my shitty old school couldn't handle all my trouble, so my mother got on her fucking high horse and sent me here where she can keep an eye on me"

"You're special that way"

"I'm special because no other school can handle me, no other school wants me. I mean let's be honest this school doesn't fucking want me here anyway, my mother has to keep me here just so social services don't fucking come after her sorry ass"

"Why do you hate your mum so much?"

"Do you need to ask?!"

"Yes, I do, because I care"

"I hate my mother because the day my brother died she made it obvious that she was happy she didn't have to look after two children. She just had to look after me then when I turn 18 she can fucking abandon me, she never cared about me. She never cared about Shawn. Did she cry when Shawn committed suicide? Not one single tear. You know that if she took an interest in her kids' lives maybe Shawn would still be alive. She didn't give a single fuck when Shawn came in absolutely heartbroken. She let him cry, she didn't ask what happened, and she wouldn't even let me read his suicide note but I found one addressed to me. I've never read it, not yet. I have never seen her go to his grave." That is the reason I hate her so much, she has never even visited his grave not even on his birthday. I know you might say people have different ways of dealing with loss but she has taken every single picture down and threw them in the bin. I went into the bin just to save the pictures, I didn't care about the frames but to this day I still have the pictures.

"She's a bitch"

"That's an understatement"

"Why did you run out in Geography? I was honest with you, you ran off and didn't say anything"

"You know how it feels now then don't you? But no, I didn't run off to teach you a lesson"

I'm not exactly lying by saying that because I didn't run off to teach him a lesson, I ran off because I'm scared.

"I'm scared that everything will be too much, and we won't work. I'm scared of me ending up like my brother."

"I promise I won't ever hurt you. I admit this, since you came here my life has been a roller coaster you have made me angry, sad, happy, like nothing could tear me down, and I didn't know what to do. I have never felt this way about someone, you mean something to me. And when I realized I love you, I had to stop messing about. I had to finish things properly with Libbie, I had to turn my life around."

"How do I know you aren't saying this like you did to other lasses?"

I'm happy he has finally told me that he loves me. But I don't know whether he is playing me or actually telling the truth. It has been so hard to identify the difference between those two things recently so I need someone to be honest with me.

"Listen..."

"I am listening, I have been listening for the past ten minutes." I said, trying to make the mood lighter, I don't really tend to do well in serious situations. He just looked at me, I decided to cuddle into his arms more so he wouldn't be mad at me and because I feel safe here.

"I never said I love you to any girl, never in my life. I don't know what made me be a player but I knew that I could never say I love you to any girl unless it was true. And I never felt that it was true, they were all just relationships, nothing like the real deal so to speak. But then you arrived, and I started to gain feelings. I could tell from the day first day I lay eyes on you that you weren't like any other girl, you were someone special."

I'd never been told I was special by anyone, apart from Shawn. No one calls me special, everyone just thinks that I'm a bitch and a slag. Maybe I am a slag, and no I'm not just a slag for the fact I sometimes wear slutty clothes. I'm a slag for the true definition. I sleep around. No I'm not proud of it and I completely hate it. I wish my virginity would just grow back so I didn't have to be ashamed every single day when I wake up and see a guy looking back at me who I don't even recognize.

"No one has ever called me special. I promised myself I would never fall in love and when I saw you I accidentally did. I promised myself never to class anyone as a proper boyfriend because I would just get hurt and I would feel like I'm betraying Shawn. He got into a proper relationship and now he's dead and gone."

"You wouldn't betray Shawn, I'm sure he would've wanted you to be happy. He would have stopped you from getting hurt. I never met him but he sounds like an amazing lad, he was lucky to have a sister like you."

"Nobody is lucky to have a sister who is a worthless slut"

"Everyone makes mistakes"

For some reason nothing was said after that, we just hugged, we're in a relationship now though. It's a secret for a bit, I think we are going public on the last day of term which isn't far away. He walked me back to my dorm, I knew exactly what I wanted to do and even though it will break me, I have to look at the note from Shawn. It has been long enough and I think I'm finally ready to read it.

'Dear Tori,

I'm sorry that I'm leaving you but when you get older you will understand that I had to do this for a reason. I want you to know though that you are going to be a beautiful young lady and I will always be proud that I was your brother. Mum and Dad may not bother with you but I love you always, no matter if I am on Earth or in heaven. Don't grow up hating Gemma, we both had differences and I guess I just couldn't handle it. She thinks you are lovely and she will always be there for you whenever you need a chat. It isn't Gemma's fault I'm doing this. There is nothing left for me here, I failed my exams, everything that I worked so hard for I can't have. The stress is too much for me. I'm truly sorry and you will always be my world.

Love from your big brother,

Shawn xoxoxoxoxoxox

P.S. I'll miss you.

P.P.S. Here is a quote for you in case things get tough.

Everything is okay in the end, if it isn't ok then it isn't the end.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I've read the note now. I understand now. Maybe I'm at the age to understand it all. All I know though is that I completely miss my brother to bits. I guess I do feel better for reading it. And I am glad I'm giving Eddie a chance, yes I have broken my number one rule, but I guess I can make exceptions sometimes.